Truth by Numbers: The Cost of Disengaged Employees

I took 2 HRM classes this session. Both classes were great, and both taught me well. In one we encountered poor performers in high-performing teams, in the second HR class we encountered employee engagement and what it costs an organization. It was absolutely intriguing and appalling at the same time. I did not use this article for my assignment, but I wanted to put it out there the cost of disengaged employees; and these are old numbers.

15 April 2002The High Cost of Disengaged Employees

There are "cave dwellers" in your ranks, and they're hurting your company
Element 1 ExpectationsEmployee EngagementA GMJ Q&A with Curt Coffman
Coauthor of First, Break All the Rules (Simon & Schuster, 1999) and Follow This Path (Warner Books, 2002)

Engaged employees are clearly more valuable to your company than disenchanted ones. Great managers and leaders know this instinctively, and The Gallup Organization's latest research into employee engagement levels among the U.S. workforce confirms it. In fact, according to Gallup's calculations, actively disengaged employees -- the least productive -- cost the American economy up to $350 billion per year in lost productivity.

What are the characteristics of the best -- and worst -- employees? And how can employees, managers, and corporate leaders work together to create a workplace that promotes employee engagement? We asked Curt Coffman, Global Practice Leader for Q12 Management Consulting and coauthor of Gallup's best-selling book on great managers, First, Break All the Rules, and the soon to be published Follow This Path (due out in October), to give us Gallup's latest insights.

GMJ: Gallup uses the terms engaged, not engaged, and actively disengaged to describe workers in businesses worldwide. What do those terms mean?

Curt Coffman: Since 1997, Gallup has reviewed the responses of approximately 3 million employees (over 1 million in 2001 alone) that have participated in the Q12 survey, Gallup's 12-question assessment of employee engagement levels. Employee responses to these crucial 12 items have significant linkages to broader employee attitudes and day-to-day behavior.

In Gallup's review, three distinct groups, or levels of engagement, emerged: engaged, not engaged, and actively disengaged. The "engaged" employees are builders. They use their talents, develop productive relationships, and multiply their effectiveness through those relationships. They perform at consistently high levels. They drive innovation and move their organization forward. The employees that are "not engaged" aren't necessarily negative or positive about their company. They basically take a wait-and-see attitude toward their job, their employer, and their coworkers. They hang back and don't commit themselves.

This brings us to the "actively disengaged" employees -- the "cave dwellers." They're "Consistently Against Virtually Everything." We've all worked with an actively disengaged employee who is not just unhappy at work; he acts out that unhappiness. Every day, actively disengaged employees tear down what their engaged coworkers are building.

GMJ: What are the characteristics of an actively disengaged employee?

Coffman: Actively disengaged people operate from the mindset, "I'm okay. You're not okay." They believe that they're doing what needs to done, and everyone else is wrong. Negativity is like a blood clot, and actively disengaged employees sometimes clot together in groups that support and reinforce their beliefs.

Actively disengaged employees also may close themselves off from anyone who will challenge them to become part of the solution, rather than staying part of the problem. This is key to understanding the difference between an engaged and actively disengaged person. An engaged person occasionally becomes negative. We all do. But an actively disengaged person finds it almost impossible to become part of the solution, because they thrive on being part of the problem.

GMJ: How can you spot an engaged employee?

Coffman: Engaged workers show consistent levels of high performance. They're natural innovators, and they drive for efficiency. They demand clarity about the desired outcomes of their role. They're passionate about their work -- they have a visceral connection to what they do. They challenge others to work with mission and purpose.

Engaged employees don't just accept anything that comes along; when a change occurs, they want to know what is behind it and how they can connect to it. They're energetic and enthusiastic, and they never run out of things to do -- they create more work for themselves within their area of talent. They're committed to the company, to their workgroup, and to their role, so much so that their commitment overcomes barriers and transforms relationships.

GMJ: What can managers do to help engaged employees stay that way?

Coffman: Engaged employees need strong relationships with, and clear communication from, their manager. They also need a degree of tension within their areas of talent and strengths that will stretch them and help them continue to grow.

A great manager can help them create and "own" their goals, targets, and milestones. A great manager can help them focus and can help keep their path clear, so engaged employees can do what they do best every day. And managers can help them develop the skills and knowledge they need to build their talents into strengths.

GMJ: What do engagement levels mean for a business' bottom line?

Coffman: Engaged employees produce more, they make more money for the company, they create emotional engagement with the customers they serve, and they create environments where people are productive and accountable. We also know that engaged employees stay with the organization longer and are much more committed to quality and growth than the other two groups.

Our most recent research suggests that 29% of the U.S. workforce is actively engaged, 55% is not engaged, and 16% is actively disengaged. To put it another way, for every two builders walking the halls of your organization, there is a cave dweller impeding the good work done by the engaged employees.

If 55% of all U.S. workers are not engaged, and 16% are actively disengaged, then 71% of the Americans who go to work every day aren't engaged in their role. So American businesses are operating at one third of their capacity. Think about that: What if only one third of a bank's branches opened each day? What if only one third of a manufacturing company's machines operated at capacity every day? The lost opportunity is obvious -- but so is the opportunity for growth, if you can move your employees from the "not engaged" to the "engaged" category.

-- Interviewed by Barb Sanford

Next month: Managing for engagement

Curt Coffman, a former Global Practice Leader with Gallup, is coauthor of Gallup's best-selling book on great managers, First, Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently (Simon and Schuster, 1999). Coffman's latest book is Follow This Path: How the World's Greatest Organizations Drive Growth by Unleashing Human Potential (Warner Books, 2002).
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Appreciating what I have

Appreciating what I have

Every night I pray with my son (well really, he sings his prayers) and every night we thank God for all our blessings.

Today, I count my blessings because if I am unhappy with any aspect of my life, it is because I did not heed the omens set forth by the universe and God. Either way, as my favorite poem says: - no me prometiste tu que mayo fuese iterno (Nervo) (spring was not promised to be forever).

Here goes...
•Chris - my strength and one of my most vocal supporters. It's been me and you since the beginning and since the beginning I have always loved you.
•Our son - so much joy wrapped into all 38lbs of him.
•My girlfriends - we dish, we fight, we make up but in the end it has always been about our bond.
•The [dis]organization - through which I met my girl friends directly and indirectly.
•The comic relief (proprietors) - in terms of management, we won't go there. However, you are hilarious to watch. You are fodder for this blogger.
•My sister-in-law - as I think I have mentioned before, you are my support system. Your continued support has allowed me success in my studies. Thank you, I really appreciate it. I love you Lau...
•Uncle Joe - you have always been a supporter of higher learning. You are the barometer to which I measure success. Thank you for the challenge.
•My mom - big ups for giving birth to me and all that you have sacrificed for your girls. You are 50% of what makes me but you are 100% great.
•My sister - I always tell you that if we were one person we'd be great but alas we were paired by God for a reason and it was to be sisters - a reason to never be lonely. With you I am never alone and together we will put it all in our rear view.
•Peter - the dream: come wedding day, if ever, it will be you (walking me down the aisle). It has always been you since I was 6, at 16 and forever because through it all you have always been more than an uncle. You have always treated us as if we were yours. That is something I will always remember.
•To the one that saved me from walking las calles de San Bartolo desclaza, my grandmother - si no fuera por ti no hubieras tenido las opportunisades que se han presentado en mi vida. Mi familia, por generaciones - nuestras riquezas, y todo lo que somos es por ti.

Con mucho amor...

Feliz Navidad, Merry Christmas (or the now popular Feliz Dubidad)

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

I want to be Engaged: A Plea for Engagement and Teamwork

Diclaimer: I believe that no job, regardless of the task, deserves anything less than 100% of you. No one can be 100% of everything 100% of the time, but that is why you don’t work alone. That is why you are part of a team. Where your strengths end, your colleague’s begins and it continues with everyone you work with. I believe that (I revel in my naïveté). However, when your team is just as fed up as you are; when they no longer care whether what you need to do gets done or not because their measly benefits have been slowly taken away every year and you have nothing left to show for your 40-45 hours a week of work (not including the commute), you cannot help but be disengaged.

Ready for a Commitment: it is not a ring

I want to be engaged. I don’t need a ring on my finger. You don’t have to make me any promises of a Novo, Lucida, or any style of micro pavé anything from Tiffany's. I already have the house, the yard, the kid, the man; but I don’t have the position that motivates me to be engaged. I used to be so happy to work. I mean, hey I was getting free medical. I was young. I just needed to support my shoe habit, my clothes habit and to help mom with the bills. It was all good. I felt great to wake up in the morning. Many years later, my priorities have changed. I changed, unfortunately, the organization did not change with me.

I no longer wake up happy: I am happy to wake up and be alive and be with the people that I love, but when I enter the building, turn the knob and make my way the anger bubbles. I go through the motions, I no longer care – and that bothers me. Why should I work like this? I want to care again.

The Problem

When the disorganization asks you what is wrong, they ask with concern in their eyes how they can make your work life better, say they will change but then continue doing the very things that upsets the work force, what does it tell the staffers? Why should the staffers care about the things you promise or your business overall? After hearing that things will change all of the time and yet they never do, you can’t help but to become discouraged and absolutely disengaged. You have spent so many years making idle promises and idle threats (to people raised in the outer boroughs of New York City in the 80s no less) that at this point, you have the staffers wanting to collect the unemployment. Was that your goal again?

Align your goals!

I think that no one should work for technicians that don't have any real management background. Just because you can do the job, doesn't mean you know how to run a business. Either that or hire managers to run your business while you work it. M. Gerber (the E-Myth) wrote about it, there is also the Peter Principle and so many other theories that only knowing about management can teach you. Some things you pick up, some things are common sense, some things you have to take the time to learn; but it is those things that can really take your workers from ordinary to extraordinary. Don't you want extraordinary?

I really want to be extraordinary for an organization. I cannot have any less.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

The management of me: A prayer for management

The management of me: A prayer for management

I need to be managed. I know too much, and the funny thing is that I know nothing at all. Some of what I know is about management theory. It's only theory, but here's the thing - it makes sense and I need a leader. A real one.

A manager leads, plans, organizes and controls. The very few times I ask how I should go about something, I ask my supposed leaders and they don't know, it is discouraging. Why won't you make a decision? Okay, maybe it is the first time encountering a problem: let's trouble shoot and genuinely think of a better process. Let's figure out a solution.

Doing things the old way because it is the old way that has worked does not make it a good way or even the right way. But change is scary and fear turns into resistance. If you expect resistance you will be met with resistance and that is just the truth (okay the Ford's wrote about it but only after Kotter).

So, I want to learn. I want the organization to have measures set, to recognize the constant need for change to impose best practice methods in everything they do.

I can't say that I have been totally unhappy with the false sense autonomy and empowerment but now with all that I know: Deming's Theory of Profound Knowledge, for example is really compelling and attractive when management at my current disorganization knows nothing about processes that I have improved; let alone have profound knowledge. What about those forms? What about the spreadsheets, the presentations? To what is my education going to?

A friend posted that in order to receive the glories of God that one must pray for the abundance they do have and not pray over what they are lacking. With that said...

God I thank you for the abundance of ignorance you have surrounded me with, thank you for the disorganization, its cup runnth over.

Truthfully and above all thank you God for all the glories in my own life separate of it all... Not even I can deny that the stupidity of the years has provided me with goodness that You have allowed me to receive. But then what about my ability to stretch my fifteen cents into a dollar? My ability to analyze and come up with solutions to financial, health and personal problems? Okay God, I thank you for giving me to parents with enough wherewithal to teach me, educate me. You gave me to people who didn't come here (the US) with much, didn't command the language and after more than 30 years here still have fluency issues but that too has taught me: language barriers do not diminish meaning or importance in what is being said. They have given me truth, they have instilled fear and they have taught me to know when enough is enough. In that, You will help me.

So... In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Who takes care of them?

Who takes care of them?

As Melissa writes about childcare I sit on the train looking at 2 women who seem younger than me with 7 kids between them. I am watching them because I simply cannot stop staring unless I am writing - so I write.

The 2 women talk to each other, they curse, they catch attitude with the rest of the passengers when it is them with 2 strollers during the end of day rush.

What went wrong? Why such an attitude? What did we do to you?

FYI: 6 of the kids belonged to the other friend. The kids looked alike but who could tell which belonged to whom? Giving the benefit of the doubt I split the kids between the 2.

Argh!!! My naughty bits ache at the thought of spitting out so many kids.

So who takes care of them? I wonder if they have to pay for childcare and if so, what happens on all of the Eve's of holidays and Monday holidays we all don't have off? What do you think Melissa?

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Childcare

Contributed by Melissa Crain-Serrano

Recently I've had several friends inquire about daycare for their children and they have discussed with me the trials and tribulations of finding a good provider. We've been lucky with the people who have cared for our girls and we are also lucky enough to be able to afford what we choose, rather than taking whoever costs the least. Not too long ago I had another friend discussing the requirements of time off and such for an in-home daycare provider who was about to open. They asked people to give their thoughts on this and several replied. What amazed me was just how ridiculous daycare providers have become. They want to be treated as if they run their own business and get all those benefits, and yet, they don't want to follow basic customer service because it's "their" home and not a business office. You can't have both. Either it's a business and you run it as such, or it's a side-job/hobby and you run it that way. OR, become a nanny and don't deal with it at all.

To give you an example, here is a list of the most common requirements that I have heard/seen from providers:

1. Two weeks' paid vacation

2. Five paid sick days

3. All holidays off - paid

4. The day before all holidays off - paid

5. The day after all holidays off - paid

6. An extra day off if the holiday lands on a weekend - paid

7. Four personal days off - paid

8. Children who are sick are not allowed at the discretion of the provider, but parents' must still pay.

9. If children are not present for any reason, parents must still pay

10. 5 day notice is required for provider to take time off

11. Parents must give a 2 week notice before taking time off, but they still must pay.

Average price for a full time child is roughly $175, give or take which equals $35 per day. Let's use the 2010 calendar and the example above.

January 1st, must be paid, although there is no child care. Considering most parents don't work this day, it's just a regular $35 day of pay.

January 4th must be paid, although there is no child care. The day after the holiday lands on a Saturday, therefore the provider is closed on Monday. Since the parents don't get Monday off, they must pay $35 to the provider and another $35 to an alternative provider.

January 15th, 18th and 19th must be paid, although there is no child care due to MLK Jr. Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (15th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 19th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

February 12th, 15th, and 16th must be paid, although there is no child care due to President's Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (12th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 16th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

March 22nd- 25th must be paid, although there is no child care due to provider's vacation. Parents must pay $175 for the provider and another $175 for a backup provider.

April 5th must be paid, although there is no child care due to Easter. We'll give the benefit of the doubt to the provider and say they don't close for the Friday before Easter, only the Monday after. Most places are not closed, so the parents will pay the $35 to the provider and another $35 to a backup provider.

May 28th, 31st & June 1st must be paid, although there is no care due to Memorial Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (28th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 1st). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the Monday off since most do. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

June 14th-18th must be paid, although there is no care due to provider's vacation. Parents must pay $175 for the provider and another $175 for a backup provider.

July 2nd, 5th & 6th must be paid, although there is no care due to the 4th of July Holiday. Since the day before the holiday is a Saturday, the provider receives the Friday (2nd off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 5th) and another day (the 6th) due to the fact that the 4th fell on a Sunday. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the 5th off. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

Luckily, August has no holidays!

September 3rd, 6th & 7th must be paid although there is no care due to Labor Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (28th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 1st). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the Monday off since most do. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

October 8th, 11th & 12th must be paid although there is no care due to Columbus' Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (15th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 19th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

November 24th, 25th, & 26th must be paid although there is no care due to Thanksgiving. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that parents have the 25th and 26th off, and therefore they only need to find alternative care for the 24th which equals $70 ($35 for the provider and $35 for the alternative).

December 23rd, 24th, 27th & 28th must be paid although there is no care due to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that hte parents don't work on the 24th and receive the 27th off for Christmas. This means that for the 23rd and 28th, the parents must pay $70 for the provider and $70 for a backup service.

December 30th, 31st must be paid although there is no care due to New Year's Eve. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents don't work on the 31st. This means that for the 30th the parents must pay $35 for hte provider and another $35 for a backup service.

Let's just add that up. That's a total of $1995, which equals 57 PAID days off for the provider, plus, let's remember they also expect 5 days of sick time and 4 days of personal time so the real total is $2310 and 66 days. That doesn't include the actual holidays themselves, which I think they should have a right to be paid and take the day off (for the major ones). I'm also not including the parents time off for sick children or vacations. I feel that it is unfair for the provider to lose money when they don't have the control to decide if/when the parents can go on vacation and no one has the control over when a child becomes sick. However, that is an INSANE number of paid days off that 99.9% of the American population would never have even after working at a company for 25 years. So, why should a daycare provider be allowed to do so? Not to mention the fact that most providers no longer have early or late service, which means they are open the exact times that a normal office is. How is it possible for me to get my child to you no earlier than 8am if I have to be at work at 8? And how can you expect parents to pick up their children by 5pm when most offices don't even close until 5pm?

If you want the vacation and holiday benefits of a regular business and you want to keep business hours, fine. Then you need to make sure you can hire employees to keep running the business when you are off. Normal businesses are closed only on the main holidays of the year. If you want to be off for every holiday and every day before and after and your vacation time, sick time, etc. then you need to hire someone to maintain the business or accept the fact that you don't get paid if you choose not to provide the service! What if every Verizon employee decided they wanted all these days off and Verizon chose not to hire anyone to maintain their business on those days? Would you pay for no phone service for that time? Or would you expect a credit? Verizon still gives their employees holidays off and vacation time, etc. but they are a service industry, as is childcare, and therefore they make sure to provide service regardless of whether or not someone is out for the time being.

If your stance is "this is a side-job/hobby and that's why I have the days and hours I choose" then again, it's fine. But that doesn't give you the benefits of working at a real business! If you can't afford to keep the schedule you want, then you can't afford to have that schedule. The same reason I choose to work full-time is because if I worked part-time it wouldn't allow me the $ to do all the things I want. That's your choice. Parents' shouldn't have to cover your financial woes.

I spoke to one provider who told me "but you aren't even paying me minimum wage". That's right, because you aren't giving my children 100% of your attention and care. You are splitting it with 6 other children. Therefore, the charge should be 12.5% of your hourly wage (this is for a provider who watches 8 children). Let's say (for math's sake) that my children are in your care for 10 hours a day. That means I pay (at the $35 rate) $3.5 per hour. If a provider has 8 children in their care per hour, that is $28 an hour - nearly 4 times the minimum wage. Why should I pay you for less than half rate care? If you want to be paid like a nanny, then go be one.

Lastly, the latest I've heard now was paid maternity leave. MATERNITY LEAVE?!?!?!?!? So, let's see, average maternity leave is about 6 weeks. I'm supposed to pay you $1050 (per child) and then go find another person to pay to take care of my child so that YOU can have a baby? And now that the child is born, that means you've now reduced the amount of attention you will be giving my own children, so the % of care is now 11.11% (probably more so considering they are a newborn and can't do anything for themselves, but that's a whole other issue).

This is getting absolutely ridiculous and it gives REAL providers a bad name. We had a wonderful in-home daycare provider who made sure that if she were sick, took time off, etc. that we had backup care provided in her home or else we DID NOT PAY! She's grown into three separate day cares now, so obviously she didn't lose any money for not charging us for that time nor did she go broke finding alternate care for the times she was out. She was open from 7am until 6pm - giving parents enough time to commute to and from work. The only thing we were charged for were the major holidays and if we took the kids out due to illness, vacation, etc. That's how you run a daycare.

If I don't allow him to talk to me that way, what makes you think you can?

When I got my voice
"Dammit he saw me," I thought and he called me over. I was 15, and when I got to him, he spoke ill about my mom. It was in anger, he didn't mean it but there it was. Nasty words hanging in the air about her, my mom. Not cool. Especially not to me. Without rehashing the gory details of our exchange I spoke back to my father that day. I got my voice. How dare he speak to me, his daughter, in that manner?

I did not stay shut and I ripped him a new one (disrespectfully, not my proudest moment). And when I turned 23 and he called me acting a fool, I ripped him another one. This time though, I did it in my most perfect Spanish to date and didn't mention anything but facts: I was 23, gainfully employeed, living on my own and have younger siblings 15-16yrs younger who needed a father. Go call them. They need you more.

We talk once in a while, I love him, he is after all my dad, but the truth hurts and it was about time he heard it.

The point: if I did not allow my father, the man who makes up 50% of my genetic makeup to talk to me any which way he wants; why would I allow you, seemingly nobody by comparison to my father, talk me like I am a piece of - nothing?

Yo no tengo pelo en la lengua (I don't have hair on my tongue) but I do have self-control. As a regular person, I really want to hurt your feelings but I won't. I already said that I would not make an already difficult corporate environment worse. The only thing I can say is: be careful who you take a funky tone with. Yo tengo educacion (I have been taught) and I won't talk back to you but the next person (or people) you hire can and will be a different story. (OD relationships)

The Reality
I am not special and I know that I can be replaced but don't think that the next employee will be anything like me or my coworkers. They won't have any reason to stop themselves. We are a resource, we are human capital! Do we cost you money? Of course, we don't work for free but, we are human nonetheless. We work hard to make sure your [dis]organization runs as smoothly as possible.

Employers!
Employers, please refrain from talking to regular employees as if we are less than you or like we are your children. Why can't we work and have some dignity too?

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Free speech is not free of consequences: a look at social media

Free speech is not free of consequences: a look at social media

Today I read an article about an emergency medical employee who posted on her Facebook page derogatory remarks about her supervisor. Her "friends" who also consisted of coworkers chimed in and continued their rant. Shortly after she was fired (she also had other complaints against her, but for the sake of this blog lets simply disregard those facts).

Before social media, if you talked smack about a person it was directly to another person and usually in private. If by any chance they heard that you were talking about them it was their choice to confront you or not. If they did confront you, you either had to talk it out and eventually apologize or you took it to the streets. The consequences were you either apologized or you fought it out. (Before social media things were a lot simpler.)

Long before I came to work at my current organization, there was a new hire who was fired for uttering a phrase towards the owner of the company. Granted, I have been there over 10 years now and while their requests can border on the insane I wouldn't wish death upon them because of it. A request was made to this employee, and as the old man walked away she said "drop dead". He knew that she had every right to think whatever and say whatever she wanted. He knew that wasn't personal but it didn't mean that her words would not have consequences. Oh, you want me to drop dead? You don't want to deal with me? Okay then go home. No one is forced to remain at a job where they are unhappy with management. You can be replaced. And with 9.6% unemployment, you can be replaced quickly.

[They] argue that the young lady's dismissal is unconstitutional and maybe it is. But does the 2nd amendment give me the right to shoot random people on the street because I have the right to bear arms? I have a hand weapon, I acquire it legally, does that mean that I also have the right to just shoot people? I don't think so.

I have a mouth, I have a computer connected onto Facebook; can say anything? False my friends. Absolutely false. As the right to bear arms does not give anyone the right to shoot someone, free speech does not give anyone the right to shoot off at the mouth.

Here is the link to the article. Tell me what you think. http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20101109/us_yblog_upshot/can-criticizing-the-boss-on-facebook-get-you-fired

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Family values: to be or not to be a mom again.

Family values: to be or not to be a mom again.

At 31, I think that I am doing pretty well. I do not have the plum job in management I desire but I have gainful employment nonetheless, I have a home that is warm, a family I love and that loves me back. So what is wrong? Absolutely nothing. But the question of #2 is always asked.

I find myself sometimes feeling bad that unlike some friends in my age range who are on to child #2, I have no real desire to put myself, my body and my life through that once again [right now]. Somewhere deep I want another child, I would love to carry another child, have the love and the bond grow between us - but only in theory. Knowing what I know, why would I put myself through it all again? I don't see it. I just can't see myself as a regular employee at a dead end job or worse with the dream job (publication, operations, project management?) to then take the time to start all over again with #2.

Pregancy. Check. Give birth - done. Now what?
7 days at home was all I could take after my son was born. Even off payroll, I went to work to pitch in a couple of times with my days old baby in his Bjorn carrier. Stay at home material I am not.

Kudos to the strong women like my sister and even my mom who stayed home with me, but I barely made it to 8 weeks at home. Couldn't do it. And though it hurt to leave my beautiful son, I had to go to work not just for financial reasons but for my own sanity.

There is nothing wrong being a SAHM but it is literally 24hrs of "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy," diapers, playdates and whining and I can't take that. I can't live with no adult interaction other than the check out counter people in a day.

No shifts, no breaks, no calling out sick, or alternating weekends off and when you do get to go on vacation you're still working. No deal.

I value my family, but being more than just a mother is something that I value just as well. I hear people say about other moms that they have to stop being a "woman" and start being a mother, but why must there be a distinction? Why can't I be both? Why can't I be a mommy, and a woman? Why aren't the 2 one and the same? Wouldn't time as a woman make me a better mother in the short and long run?

Desires, wants and needs
A woman's desires are not just about lust or partying and things to that effect. Would I like us to feel like we did when we were single? Yes! But it is mostly about sleeping in, relaxing with my partner and not having to hear Ming Ming [duckling] sing "this is sewious" despite the gravity of the situation. I don't want my conversations to revolve around inappropriate cartoons: the fact that Moose talks for Zee; Tuck's sensitivity, Muno's look and Olivia's stink attitude.

What mom wouldn't love time alone, time to herself? What loving couple would not want a night of fun? Chris and I would love to go out dancing, come home, sleep it off and not be worried about having to pick up the baby, or have him jump on our bed at some crazy hour to go to the diner for the same breakfast we have every Sunday.

It's been 4 years and I have yet to use the bathroom on my own unless I am at work.

Bankable Mom-sperience
Does it make me less of a mother because I have only 1 child? If I had to apply for the job of "mommy;" do I not qualify under the requirements of "experience" because I only have one? If a woman has multiple children does her experience grow exponentially? Considering that there are plenty of crackheads, teen hot boxes, and misguided women having kids left and right with no regard to their quality of life, let alone that of their many children on the system - that assumption can't be correct.

So, why can't everyone be content with my one, when we are?

Life BC: Before Child
I barely remember life before my son: he is my joy. He is my pure joy. He and Chris are the 2 people in my life that can make me laugh and feel better when I am in a foul mood. They are part of the source of my happiness and I find them to be more than enough. They are so much happiness and so much love wrapped up in absolutely gorgeous packages (especially the little one since he so much like me - modest I am not either).

Another child would not and could not lessen the love I have for my family - it would do the opposite; love grows. So why don't I want the next one? I really can't verbalize it now because it's for so many reasons. I don't want to give up the freedom that having an older child brings me now; I don't want to start over again (diapers, night feedings, potty training, etc); I don't want to give up my career plans (despite the fact that they are not fully defined - but MBA here I come); and I don't care for surprises. We planned my son. We (and I mean me)were faced with a dillema and despite not having followed society's order of things, we knew that this was this child was going to be one of the BEST and greatest decisions we will ever make. Now, we look at the economy, the mountains that have to be moved to get our growing son the things he needs because we can see his ankles in his 4t pants (he will be 4 Thanksgiving weekend) and I still cannot see having 2 kids sleeping in my bedroom.

Conclusion
My family and I are in such a great and blessed place. If God puts another child in my way and on my path I will be more than happy to receive the bundle of joy - until then I reserve my right as a woman to not bear a child and the right as a mommy to change my mind at any point because I said so. But like I said, I am only 31 and I still have time.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Wealth and culture

Wealth and culture

As the woman who gave birth to the first generation born in the United States, my mother did her best with us. She held on to a marriage as long as she could; living in a two-bedroom apartment in the Bronx, in a neighborhood with drugs, with police sirens and where watching people get arrested was a daily occurrence. We were no better than anyone else living on the block and many others, but somehow we were different.

The Hood

Despite how and where we lived, on weekends we went to the museum, and did almost every cultural activity the city had to offer. My mom knew almost every corner of Central Park, we went to the planetarium, the Met, saw the Nutcracker almost every winter, the Radio City Spectacular - you name it, we saw it. Sometimes we complained and groaned but most of the time we enjoyed it. Tchaikovsky's music on its own is boring but with huge rats running about, sugar plum fairies and a ton of kids popping out of the skirt of a woman - who'd be bored? These rich people were just like us: they had rats we had rats too and gave birth to too many kids (my sister and I are my mom's only children, but there were plenty "big" families on the block). The Nutcracker was like a ghetto rock ballet! What's not to love?!

But what did Picasso, the homo-habilus, homo-sapien, Monet and Degas do for me? They taught me to me to want more. I never thought I would be a painter, a paleontologist, a physicist or anything like that but that appreciation of culture: mine and that of others made me a richer person. It gave me wealth. She created a wealth in me and my sister that no one will ever take away - educacion. I didn't make a spelling error, education is the translation but it is not meant in the literal sense of school and higher learning but it is learning. It is/was learning beyond the Bronx, poverty, being Dominican, American and me - it was above and beyond the scope of my eyes.

Some women were taught to drink "pa que no te engañen" but as a child and into adolescence, my mother purposely took us to fancy restaurants so that when we got to dating age we did not embarrass ourselves (or her for that matter) by not knowing how/what to order and worse by not knowing how to eat. By age 6 I knew which fork to use and how, by 8 I knew how to use chopsticks and by 10 I had an appreciation for spicy foods, stinky cheeses and many fine things in life. It was mostly food and a couple art exhibits, but for me it was the finest and fanciest a kid living off the Grand Concourse could imagine! No one else in school made weekly trips to Macy's, Lord & Taylor (how I hated that walk from 34th & Broadway to 38th & 5th) and all the stores along the way never missing any Christmas displays.

The Future

I can only hope that I am exposing my son to diveristy, culture and educacion as my mother instilled it in me. I know my son remembers going to see the King Tut exhibit recently, the dinosaurs at the Museum of Natural History but my hope is that he will continue in the same tradition that was started more the 30 years ago by his Nana. We love you Nana.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Patience

Patience

I was watching the movie Evan Almighty and in one scene Morgan Freeman was telling Lorelai Gilmore (she will always be a "Gilmore Girl" to me), that when you ask God for something, he never magically gives it to you but gives you another opportunity. Since then, I never ask God for patience because He doesn't go poof - here more patience. What He does is give you yet another opportunity to be patient. It could be anything: your toddler acting out about the same thing as the day before, your inept manager (I don't call them bosses, because there is only One - God), your in-laws, an ex-spouse, etc. But whatever prompted you to cry out to God for patience will only come back to repeat itself to grant you another opportunity to react differently. In other words bite you on the butt - hard.

It is one of those "mysterious" ways God teaches us, tests us and allows us mere mortals to exercise that pesky "free will" thing. Oh free will, how you upset and confuse me at times!

Generally, free will is great; the chance to flex your analytical muscles, the chance to show the world what you are really made of - but sometimes I require more guidance than that. What to do then?

It is hard at times to figure out what to do... How to react towards the situation, the world and those around you. But patience is that crazy little thing that you need every so often if at least to save your own job. But when enough is enough, when you are tired of being tired and you are ready for change and are trying to change your situation; how do we harvest this patience? Personally, I pray because I get really angrysometimes. I pray not for patience but for God or your personal savior be it God, G-d, Allah, Jesus [or satan] to save you from the little bits of wrath my brain cooks up. "Little bits of wrath." They say "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" but then the world did not know of the Dominican woman equally full of passion and rage - it ain't pretty folks.

The plots and plans I come up with are horrendous enough to calm me, soothe me and eventually make me laugh at what I think your reaction will most likely be. However, in business my thoughts are not to harm but of the truth. Oh how the truth can hurt your ill-managed organization. An old company barely out of its infancy is not good at all. I have patience. Probably enough to light an entire city but it doesn't mean a divine hand has not saved you from getting your feelings hurt - badly (and customers from going across the street).

Yes, I have an issue, but who doesn't? I know that I wouldn't be this emotional if I were the type of employee who relied on others to pick up the slack, if I were the person who got away with saying "I don't know" when I know that it is my job to know. No, I am not that woman but until I find the ideal place for me, like a crime fighter or a super hero, I will continue to fight against stupidity. I will exercise patience and not hurt your feelings because in the end, I don't want to create a hostile environment mostly for selfish reasons (a subject for later).

Relax, your corporate culture of stupidity will remain in tact - hopefully soon without me.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Opening your heart

Opening your heart

How can you open your heart to trust when you've been hurt? I ponder that question after a long conversation with a good friend.

Both our lives are similar: the home, car note, children, responsibility. In our dual lives we are both the household administrators. And similarly, the trust has wavered. I cannot really compare both relationships for her has lasted twice as long an has endured far more hardships than mine. Nevertheless, hurt is hurt and it hurts! But how do we truly begin to blindly trust again or am I naive to think that I am supposed to Trust blindly at all? Did our naïveté indirectly cause our hurt?

I ask not because things are bad, but because they are on the precipice of change (or rather my life is). Change is great and I do not resist it nor expect resistance but I wouldn't be me if I did not question the circumstances. Both relationships are at a happy place and have been for a long time. The responsibilities have not changed and thankfully there is more openness and communication in both and that is always great but must we pass the hurt hurdle in order to get to that [happy] place?

I am no victim of circumstance. I truly and wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason, but come on universe, must it be like this?

I pose this question to my few followers, my universe and anyone willing to read... What do u think? Is it always like this? Must all relationships hurdle hurt? Does the passing of the hurdle guarantee relationship success?

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Color blind

Color blind
I was raised color blind. My mother never taught us color because we are all one people. Regardless of the bilingual factor we are black; we trace our roots to the Tainos and the black slaves the Europeans brought when they landed on us (they "discovered" a place that was already there). Look at our features, our style, our sound, the way we celebrate...

When anyone requests a person speak on their behalf to deliver any type of news to another black person because they are afraid it shows their true colors. If the person happens to be white asking a Dominican to talk to a black person especially to deliver bad news because they admit to be afraid to talk to them I wonder, why in the world do you speak to me?

Growing up there weren't many whites on 175th street and the Grand Concourse in the Bronx. In school I was in a bilingual class where lessons were taught equally in English and Spanish, some of my friends didn't even speak English, members of my family didn't either but despite my minimal exposure to other cultures somehow I grew up with tolerance and awareness. Did everyone miss that lesson or is it because we are a -Raza encendida, negra, blanca y taina- that I am the way that I am? Because we are all so different, so diverse within one culture are we more tolerant? Well, I can't say because in my family, my in-laws and other friends' families I hear little racist remarks here and there in regards to other Dominicans (at times, even their own); so what gives?

Personally
I try to raise my son color blind, but the fact of the matter is that he is very pale, with yellowish hair, and he at 3yrs old (much to my dismay) knows that he is not as dark as mommy or daddy, or any of his grandmothers, let alone his paternal family. He does not mention his color when he is with his other cousins on my side because they are half white - but who does he relate to the most? I don't know. I don't know anything. I do know that I will continue to fight against seeing color in people, in my family, in my circles and beyond as far as I can reach.

The Truth
I was hurt and offended by the stupidity I have surrounded myself with for the past 10 years. I assume everyone is different in their own homes, with their real friends, but in a professional environment I just didn't think it would come to this. I thought that to my face, you would pretend to be more tolerant although I have spoken, in private, about my [racial] discomfort. I have always had my feelings squashed, rationalized that I am imagining it all. I guess I wasn't.

For the future, please do not assume that we are tight; that we are close and even on the same level that you can say some crazy things to me about race in confidence. You can't. Sorry. We have many differences, many you're white, I am not; you are rich and work to get out of your house, I work because I really have to and in the end, you are inviting into your home to break bread with you. Like the ultimate Dominican sang (Juan Luis Guerra): - Ella en bienes raices hereda la Capital, yo tengo que hacer magia para trabajar... - (translation: she is from a great background and will inherit [the] capital, I have to perform magic simply to get to work)

This isn't a game, it is my life, it is who I am, who my family is and if you're not careful enough, who your family can become: like me.

Say it loud people, say it loud.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Updated 10/6/10 for clarity.

Massapequa 9/20/10

Massapequa 9/20/10

It is where I lay my head
The place I prefer to be
The exact coordinates of my bed
Where I have everything with me...
My husband, my son, my worldly possessions
My home, the object of my obsession.

Massapequa, where my home lays
Where my Family plays
A safe place to live, the best place to be
The place where you will see
Families of all types
Diversity at its best
None other could stand the test

Many homes for sale
A community without compare

Come live here, you'd love it!

Charisse

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

The journey.

The journey.

Love is difficult. It is a journey with a bumpy road. Real love takes a toll on your patience, your heart, your mind and your emotions. How hard is it to love through your anger? The journey was never promised to be smooth. As Nervo wrote: - no me prometiste tu que mayo fuese eterno - (you didn't promise that Spring was eternal). I am not so disillusioned to think that everything will be perfect all of the time. It is impossible and I do not expect perfection. I do expect help, I expect teamwork and unity.

A team, unity: an aspect everyone wants and hopes in their home. A sanctuary a place where you relax and are free to be as you are, to love as you are.

The journey of life is long regardless of the actual length. Anything you live through anything that you experience that is arduous and long has the power to change you and/or consume you. The love you love and the love you experience also has power to change you and mold you into a new person.

Love is so hard to define, so hard to contain and bottle. Love is easily intoxicating. Overwhelming to say the least. But love, is oh so worth the journey.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Resourceful me

Resourcefulness

What is a resourceful person? Merriam-Webster (2010) defines resourcefulness as a person that can meet situations. Anyone who knows anything about people and/or human resources knows that sometimes people inflate their knowledge of something and/or there are people who believe they have the necessary KSAs (knowledge, skills & ability) when they really don’t. How does one differentiate? Testing, that’s how.

As for my KSAs, I purposely gave myself a low excel and general MS Office score on my Monster.com self-assessment because who am I to say that I am any kind of expert or good at all? Yes, I can do some correlations, scatter plots and Cartesian graphs (you like that, huh?) on excel, but then who can’t? I write formulas, but there is so much more to know, when will I ever really learn it all? Plato wrote that his mentor, Socrates, logically claimed (Plato, BC) that he [Socrates] could not have taught the children of Athens that there was only one God because he was not a teacher (Plato). Yes, he did spend time at The Academy (name of the school?), but because he himself was not finished learning, he in essence, didn’t know anything at all and could not be considered a “teacher.” (Plato, BC)

But how can you be resourceful?

When I worked for a small music label, one of the assistants told me everything is 2 phone calls away. I was 18 and very impressionable then. I also (constantly) heard from my employer, that if I was weak, he would also be perceived as weak – another blow to my 18 yr old self. What was I to do? I had to learn very quickly to not only anticipate the needs of my employer but be able to figure out everything else. I had to be this imaginary thing: resourceful without anyone’s physical guidance. I am thankful for that.

I am thankful that my ethnicity, my upbringing (nature & nurture) has made me fighter, an overachiever, a perfectionist. I do not expect anything less than the best from myself, my peers, my spouse, my child, and certainly my employer.

I know how to get the information, do you? Food for thought (and Wikipedia is not a reliable source!).

~CT

Coverage

Coverage

Ten years ago, I turned 21, I wasn’t in school, thought I would be a writer or some other type of tortured artist, and needed coverage. Things were happening, my mom’s wonderful union insurance no longer wanted me and I vowed get my own – coverage. It was all about the coverage especially if something happened: I was in an accident or worse had to live with your-round allergies (at 21, a perpetual snotty nose is the end of the world).

I found a job, but soon lost it, but then found another one within a week. Life was good at 21. I quickly found a job that promised coverage in 30 days. I had no clue what I was doing, but I knew that it wasn’t too difficult – “I am a bright young woman” I thought back then. I wasn’t wrong, I know some things, but I also knew that I knew nothing at all (Socrates). I was ready to work and learn; besides an office job was only temporary… Or so I thought.

As they say, “More money, more problems” and it wasn’t like I was making a ton of money, but I had a shoe habit and “mucho hangeo” (a lot of hanging out), then it was an apartment and more hangeo, then I met Chris and we moved in together and I couldn’t be unemployed in a new relationship. How would his family react? We had so many plans, so many dreams and then a dream came true with Aidan and I enrolled in college, we bought a home and in a blink of an eye, ten years had passed at the same job (as of 8/9/10).

I cannot say it was all bad, and in the years, I have made great, great friends; but I know that it is my time to go and I am terrified. I wish I could take aspects of my life here with me… some of the people, the jokes, the laughs, the bond, and the guidance.

I know it is time. I have to go and let go of this place. My HR professor always said, “Organizations do not make hiring mistakes, people do” and I find that to be so true today. The mistakes we have all made, the hiring decision made that pushed me over the edge. I have many reasons not to stay and hopefully my new search into gainful employment will be successful [soon], but 10 years and 1 day ago it all started with coverage.

Coverage, I thank you for being there for me through my hypochondria, my year-round allergies, my pregnancy, and all, but you are no longer enough to keep me in one place.

~CT

The Journey of a child

The Journey of a child

After the mental preparation, my baby boy was left at daycare today.
We were selfish, we could have further prepared him but I wanted him
with me, I wanted him home by my side. My heart broke but I had to be
strong. I gave him a kiss and walked out. He was left there screaming
for me and I turned and left. Christian, with tears in his eyes
lingered behind. I ordered him to get out, get in the car and drive
away. Chris probably thought that I would solicit a ride to the train:
I didn't. I walked silently praying that my son's first day would be a
good one (fully aware that at any moment I can send his grandmother to
pick him up or one of the cousins).

I know, as a mother, that this is the best for him. A curriculum; a
place where he can learn and flourish. But why do I want to cry? I
stand on this train now with tears welling in my eyes wishing I could
turn back and rescue my only son, my only child the one that I
planned. The one and only child I prayed God would give me; the prayer
that God answered as my Aidan.

This is Aidan's journey now. He will learn to be without me. He will
know what to expect everyday he will learn to adjust. His journey in
life, indenpedence and education all begins with this step. The step I
have threatened, looked forward to and dreaded for so long. Why do I
want to cry?!

This journey is also one for me. I have to learn to let go and
relinquish total control and allow him to experience all that I have
and more. This journey, this child, my sadness - proof that my boy
will one day be a man and I will be without him once again.

I hate this journey. I want him back. Dear God let him have a good day.

Love Mommy

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Immigration & Racial Profiling

Disclaimer: I started this post at the peak of my anger. I couldn't go on upset, I couldn't write upset, I didn't want to. Today, extremely fatigued I complete this work because I want to move forward and put this entry behind me. I have to say what is on my mind or it will fester. This is my outlet, thank you for reading.

I was born in the Bronx of Dominican parents. My sister and I were the FIRST generation born in the US in our (mother's) family. We take pride in the fact that we have acquired, for the most part, the "American Dream" that my grandmother painstakingly sought: the house, the children, better employment and most importantly, shoes on our feet (in my case many, many shoes). If we go back far enough, we'd find the Mexican who went to DR and made us the only Dominican Trejo family (yes, from Puerto Plata), or the Brazilian who contributed to my [very] curly hair and the last name Ferreira (pronounced feh-rai-rra in Spanish or in Portuguese feh-jay-ra, just not Ferrara). The point being that, I am offended by the law in Arizona as a brown person.


Friends who Wish me Harm?

My friend posted something to the effect that the new law in Arizona allowing people of Latin (Mexican) origin to be questioned and asked for ID is a wake up call for Latinos because as a Black man, and all other blacks they have been racially profiled for a long time. Other people chimed in agreeing that it was a wake up call for Latinos and the rest of the US. But how do they, as black Americans, know what we as Latinos go through on a daily basis? What you meant was that basically inequality is bad when it is only happening to you, you don't mind when it happens to someone else? How backwards is that? As Latinos - "somos una raza encendida, Negra, Blanca Y Taina" (Juan Luis Guerra) - we are mixed, but no one has ever mistaken us for white.

I once looked up Dominican in the dictionary and it said "Mullato" as in black and white. Mexicans in general are probably more "Metizo" because they are more Indio and white European - but in the end, we are not white. Or did you forget? One thing I have not forgotten, "Americans" love what we as Latinos do for them. American's love that we are not afraid of hard work and most of all YARD WORK, we are not afraid of dangerous conditions, construction jobs and venturing out to neighborhoods where we are not only the minority but we risk our lives living there (Suffolk County and many areas of Nassau County). We are not afraid of responsibility. Okay a lot of us do not speak English well, so the f**k what! When the explorer's "discovered" the Americas, the "Americans" DID NOT SPEAK ENGLISH either!

So the dumb-a** phrase "we are in America, speak English" really doesn't apply. It means nothing. Are the politicians from the US so self-involved that they think America is just theirs? The term "American" means nothing in any other part of the world because in other parts of the world, Mexicans are Americans, Brazilians are Americans, Costa Ricans are Americans, Colombians, Guatemantecos, and Canadians are Americans so you must declare the country you are from. In Spanish I am estadounidense, but it is a sad moment.

The United States prides itself in equality, being a melting pot, solidarity and all that other BS but only when it is convenient. You know what the difference between the Latino man being racially profiled and the black man? The Latino moves on! As Latinos, we endure just as much crap from the rest of world as the black man does; but you know what, we move on! We do not live with a huge chip on our shoulder that the world is against us. Whether it is or it isn't, hechamos pa' lante. I suggest you do the same: get a grip and get over it.

In preparation for this very personal rant, I came across this little poem. The New Colossus has a VERY FAMOUS excerpt...

The New Colossus , Emma Lazarus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,

With conquering limbs astride from land to land;

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name

Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she

With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"





If it all means nothing, then it means nothing, but don't expect me to sit idly by and say nothing because I will not. I will not sacrifice the sacrifice my grandmother made many decades ago in the hopes that she will be able to provide for her family. I will not have my grandmother think that her sacrifice was in vain.

I have calmed down.

We, the Latino community never wished anyone harm, we just want to make some money to send to our family that couldn't be here with us. To us, the dream has nothing to do with being American, the dream is providing for a better life here, there or anywhere in between. My goal is not to offend, but to give another point of view.

Be Well & God Bless us all

~Charisse

Corporate culture: respecting the dress code

Corporate culture: respecting the dress code.

Corporate culture: it is the very essence of the organization. Ellen Wallach (organizational development consultant, speaker, writer and filmmaker) said "Organization culture is like pornography; it is hard to define, but you know it when you see it." I like David Javitch's (Employee Management) definition of corporate culture: "Culture is the sum total of everything that has been and continues to be on going in an organization." Great stuff there!

Many firms take this concept of culture very seriously and make a strong effort to assure that their culture is one of respect, that it is positive and that the employees take pride in their job from the CEO to the janitor because everyone plays a role and everyone represents the company equally. Part of an organization's culture is the dress code. What is acceptable in how the employees dress and where do you draw the line?

Personally, I am starting to believe that business casual blurred the lines of acceptable and unacceptable items of clothing for work. The company heads and the leaders form of dress set the tone of subordinates dress code. You are a leader because you have "dressed" the part, anything less from the staff is absolutely unacceptable. All organizations big and small should have a dress code set, items that are entirely inappropriate to wear to work regardless of what you may be doing or going after work. Respect the job, respect the office and furthermore, respect your fellow employees.

These are the items that I find inappropriate (please feel free to add, agree or disagree)

• short skirts and dresses


• low cut tops


• sneakers with everything including trousers

These are the things that I find crazy that employers find acceptable

• No jeans during the week, but sneakers everyday is okay


• Midriffs or ill-fitting shirts


• Wrinkled attire


• Evening make-up during the day


• Visible tattoos


• Cornrows!

Cornrows need to go AWAY! Most of my friends and I are over it, why isn't the rest of the world? I hadn't realized how present they are in the world until my friend, Eric Facebook'd about it recently. I chimed in because I agreed, but then I saw what he saw - I took a ride (on the subway) to the Bronx and was exposed to a Bronx I hadn't experienced in so long.

Yes, I am originally from the Bronx, but I haven't lived there since 2004 and when I visit the family, I don't linger on the streets, I go home; but there were cornrows everywhere! It wasn't as if I only saw it outside, oh no, no, no, no, no, no it was inside a hospital with a divisions, campuses, a board, etc (another blog entirely or maybe even a series about this hospital). Basically, the hiring manager saw this tattooed, long haired man with braids and said "this is the person we want to represent us." Makes no sense. No, I am not against tattooes, I am however against to seeing it certain settings where the people around are totally vulnerable, but I digress...

Do I wear sneakers to work now, oh h*ll yes; but why not? Everyone else does. So what are you going to do? A whole bunch of nothing.

~Charisse

Equation for Healing

Healing = H

Relationshop = R

Time = t



H = (R x t) x (0.50) Relationship times time times half

H = (4.5yrs) x (0.50) Drop the relationship, because it has dropped you

H = 2.3yrs Time it takes to heal





Okay so it is not a real math equation, but it once you really think about it, it is pretty accurate.



Stop, think about it.



Charisse

Healing

Healing.

Healing is not simple. Healing from a breakup or from a friend or love lost is not an easy task. What do you do now? You find yourself alone, lonely and wanting companionship again. But why are you so upset? There are many people who look forward to breaking up, getting out of a relationship "en desamor" (indifference) only to later be overwrought with pain, sadness and
anger. You wanted to leave, you wanted out - so why are you upset? Did you not fully think through the consequences? Were you duped?

Regardless of what happened, now is your time to heal.

My Story of Healing

After over 4 yrs in a relationship with a man, I found myself alone and living alone for the first time. In the 4.5 yrs together I never had to think about weekend plans or holidays (although we really did not spend those together) and while it wasn't the most honest relationship (let's
leave it at that folks) it still hurt to be left.

Being the uber organized person that I am, I scheduled my grief (organization and also having read the important parts of the Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD). I moved into my new apartment with the help of my uncle, unpacked, cleaned and went on my sad way,
busy getting unpacked and settling in. I was slow but I was single and was not in a hurry. I figured that I really couldn't bawl during the week because I worked and never liked too many people knowing my business so Friday nights it would be. I only had a stereo (a gift from my
other uncle) and a ton of music collected (Marco Antonio Solis, Jose Jose, Jose Luis Perales among others) just for that purpose. Heartbreak and sadness. I knew from watching my parents divorce and all that my mom used to talk to us about relationships that I was not ready to give my heart once again. Because I was in pain, my heart was no good to the world. If I learned anything from reading El Alchimista (The Alchemist, Coelho)and By the River Piedra I Sat and Wept (same), I learned that if I really wanted something (to heal) that God would make the world turn to make it so. Imagine that!? The entire world conspiring to give me what I want?!

The Process for me

God gave me my time to weep, to be angry, and melancholic then He granted me a new great friend (SD & co), renewed other friendships (LC & co) and opened my heart to new ideas, new experiences, a new me. He prepared me and my heart to find love again not on my time, but on His time; when He knew that I would be ready to receive love and give love without the hurt of past loves because this man that He brought me deserved better than that. The process took 2 yrs and 3 months exactly half the time of the relationship.

The Point

Do I mean that it takes years to heal? Sometimes no, but you have to mourn your loss and wait for the right signs to try to take on love again. God will send you signs/people for the healing process but it does not mean that they were put on your path forever; their reason may be temporary. It is up to you to pay attention to the world, heed it's advice, listen and let go of your rebelliousness. Heal first and then love will come once again.

Charisse.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Purging bad management & friendships. Ha!

Okay I punked. The jig was up... In retrospect if there is freedom of speech and we are supposed to be "friends" then as a friend you should know how I truthfully feel about the state of your labor management (that's putting it tactfully) and your so called friendship. Don't try to figure me out... here it is.

What type of an organization that has no set rules in place, makes exceptions to their own set rules as it goes along and can never make a decision? It is a firm that despite it's many years is still in it's infancy (Michael Gerber, cannot solve this one!). No organization like that can expect employee loyalty at the job or in a public forum. Don't ask, it's true, as Martin (Lawrence) said: "stop, think about it."

I once read that just because you are good at your job, that is does not mean that you will be good at running a business. Michael Gerber (The E-Myth) called this an "entreprenuerial seizure." It's true. You figure you can do [this] because as a technician, you are great, but being managed and managing is different. In my opinion, you cannot effectively manage and be real friends at the same time. It doesn't work boo-boo. Your delegation is defined as laziness to the regular employee. Stop, think about it. Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes. But not all people can separate their anger at work from the friendship you hold.

You and I are "friends," but not really. Yes, I can see you on a social networking site, but that is it. We are not tight like that. You are not one of the people that I seek when I am down, when I need perspective, a laugh (unless I am laughing at the many silly things you do or recounting it to my real friends). I believe that if you look for sh*t you will find it. Don't dig into my friends, what I have said before, who I have a relationship with or my personal business and feelings at all because you have no right. Please do not question me. I don't want to hurt you and it isn't even about you, it's about your donkiness (another word for donkey is?) and the onus you say I have to take that you do not. Ha!

Work and life are totally separate to me. How I am at work and how I am out of work are different. At work, I will not respond "your momma" or "tell your momma..." as I probably would in real life. One thing does remain constant... I do not start trouble, but I will finish trouble. Do not provoke me, because at any given moment I have choice words for you my friend: from the way you are, to the way you manage your staff (and no, an education in management had nothing to do with it, your flow was wack from jump my friend... from jump).

The point is, that we do not have anything in common other than that we work at the same place. We are not in the same tax bracket, my struggles are not the same as yours, and we do not share time away from the office. When you plan your fetes, I am not on the guest list... it's cool, I don't roll how you roll and I am convinced that I would be bored anyway (who can deny that a Dominican house party is a blast?). To me a successful party is no one leaving on a stretcher, to you a success is something else. Ha, Ha.

I go back to financial management where life is more predictable and as it should be. It's all about the cash flow people!! Ah.., purging is good. Ha.

Spring time.

Spring time, the vernal equinox, gives us renewed hope and faith that life will be okay. The flowers and trees will once again bud and awaken us with the smell of freshly cut grass, the sway of the cherry blossoms and the sweet smell of magnolia in the air.

For me, spring represents another year; a reminder that life while it may seem long in the present, looking back, the distance is somehow shorter. Many occassions long past seem like yesterday: being my mom's little girl, moving out on my own, meeting my partner, the birth of our son, purchasing our home and many other milestones are fresh in my mind. The winter was bumpy, and cold and there were some dreary nights. But...

Spring allows me to dream again, to feel the warm wind all over me like the embrace of a loved one. In the spring, even the rain feels nice: warm and sticky another opportunity to show off my ruffle umbrella. In the spring everything seems alive and fresh.

Happy Spring everyone, hapy spring.

Home Ownership

Home ownership is not for the faint of heart, mind and soul because a house can suck away your life! "They" were not kidding when they referred to it as a cash cow.

Disclaimer: There are some phrases and idioms that don't make sense in English, but in Spanish they just go. I translate as best as I can, but there are just certain things that cannot be said in English (ooh, idea for another post!).

I was advised that if I were to ever enter the housing market, to buy the most house/land for my dollar. I got over 1400 sq.ft living space and 7500 sq.ft total land. For me, it all equals to a lot of house to clean and a lot of grass to mow. Aside from all the chores, I do love my house. I love getting away from the city and escaping to my home. I can decorate and redecorate as I please (I don't)... where I can knock down a wall (too much dust involved), or paint the walls super-saturated colors (but not too vivid because that is just crazy). A home is also about freedom; the freedom to do with it as you please; the freedom to relax with a cup of coffee on a nice Saturday morning reflecting on the birds and squirrels (as I did this weekend with my 3yr old).

Here are mistakes that we made that I may be able to save you from:

• When you find that house that you think you want, think about it again. Think about the current owners and how they maintained the home while they lived there. Think about the additional work you will need to put into it. I just heard about a man (my roofer, but that is another story) that purchased his home in September 2008 but didn't move in until October 2009 from all the work that needed to be done. A girlfriend did the same thing, she all but leveled the house and started all over again. Why?

Getting off the point for a second: HGTV had a show that allowed potential home buyers to spend the night in a house before they bought it. That is a great idea. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first; so why should you buy a home without spending time inside it at all hours of the day? All of the visits we made to the house were during the day, never at night, nor did we hear the noises it made (if you are buying it with a person that believes in "other beings" then you need to know if the house makes noises).

• Visit your dream home at different times of the day if possible. Are you going to have to install more lights, add additional outlets for lamps? Old houses, like mine, do not have power in the living room ceiling which means that at night, we have to turn on 2 lamps just to get decent lighting in there and now we are planning on having an electrician come in to add recessed lights to the living room (on a dimmer - yay). All this equals to more money we have to pay out to make our house more comfortable. Good grief!
• Check out other comp. homes in the neighborhood. Most homes in any givien area sells for about the same price - so what do they have that yours doesn't? Compare, compare, compare!
• Go beyond paint! Some homes are staged and that is great, but a lot of others are not. If the home you like is not staged, look beyond the Pepto Bismal pink oil-based painted walls (as I did), look beyond the chair rail that looks like as if it was pegado con saliva (installed with spit as opposed to with nails, screws, etc). Try to figure how you would make it yours and get thee online and get prices from Home Depot & Lowes! You need to know, how much it will all cost you!
• Appliances matter! I was lucky that my very wonderful, significant other is the manager of a retail appliance and furniture store so I was able to get my beautiful Whirlpool Duet washer/dryer for more than 1/2 the cost compared to Sears & Best Buy (yeah!). We also got our range through his job, and both our GE fridge (stainless steel French-door, double bottom drawer freezer) and microhood from another store nearby that we get appliances from at a very low price (I did have to order a piece directly from GE but still paid thousands less if I had gone through regular retail stores). I inherited a washer that didn't wash, it just saturated dirty clothes with water and fabric softner and a dryer that was a hazard to my "new" house.
• Don't go full blast into construction especially if you are living in the house. Not good. The mess and the stress of all that is going on in the house brings tension to your back, shoulders and relationship. Do not pick up a sledge hammer if you do not know the consequences of your demo (also, demo brings BIG messes, and more to clean up).

All homes need some type of update: paint, appliances, new drywall. Be careful and always, always, always save for repairs. You never know! I have a 10K estimate on my roof right now... SMH

~CT

7 Things Your Boss Should Never Say to You (K. Burns)

Those who know me, know that I read everything, especially career items. I am facinated by Human Resources and Business Management (my major) and the all around attitude of "The Boss" or "The Man." I thought that because [some] employers inherited their companies and were not really trained in management, that was the reason they were so... clueless in the way that they managed the staff, but apparently it is as wide spread as Lazy.

This little fabulous token was retreived today, March 25, 2010 from: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/7-Things-Your-Boss-Should-usnews-1985285145.html?x=0 (yes, I will also blog in APA format thank you very much!)

About 95% of these things I have experienced in my life (I won't say where, because that is just wrong so hush up).

Enjo!!!!

7 Things Your Boss Should Never Say to You

Karen Burns, On Wednesday March 24, 2010, 11:24 am EDT

Last week, I listed seven things employees should never say to bosses. A look at the various comment threads shows that a few bosses out there could also benefit from a review of the basics of good workplace relations--not to mention a quickie refresher of what constitutes good leadership.

[See the best careers for 2010.]

So, bosses, are you listening? Here are seven things you, as a boss, should never say to your employees:

1. "I pay your salary. You have to do what I say." Have you not heard? It's the 21st century. Threats and power plays just do not cut it anymore (and they were always a terrible way to manage). Yes, you pay people's salaries but that doesn't mean you're their lord and master. You are their leader, however. Leaders lead by inspiring, teaching, encouraging, and, yes, serving their employees. Good leaders never need to threaten. So keep your word, set a good example, praise in public, criticize in private, respect your employees' capabilities, give credit where credit is due, learn to delegate, and when you ask for feedback don't forget to respond to it. (Another sentence to be avoided: "Do what I say, not what I do.")

[See 7 things never to say to your boss.]

2. "I don't want to listen to your complaints." Hey, boss, you have this backwards. You do want to listen to employees' complaints. That's part of your job. You should be actively seeking feedback, even negative feedback. It may be annoying, even painful, but that's why you get the big bucks. Complaints point to where your processes and practices need improvement. And even if a problem absolutely can't be helped, allowing your employees to vent can go a long way toward restoring morale and building loyalty.

3. "I was here on Saturday afternoon. Where were you?" This kind of "subtle" pressure to work 24/7 is a good way to burn out your employees. You won't get that much more productivity out of them, and you will destroy morale. You may choose to work seven days a week. That's your call. But your employees shouldn't have to. If you observe that they are working way more than their job descriptions call for, consider that maybe it's because you're overloading them. Look for ways to fix this problem.

[See the 50 worst job interview mistakes.]

4. "Isn't your performance review coming up soon?" Maybe you're trying to motivate an employee to do a better job. Maybe this is just a ham-handed way to remind underlings of who has the power. Who knows. Either way, a statement like this is not only tacky and passive-aggressive, it's ineffective. If you really want to motivate people, consider giving them a stake in the success of your enterprise. Show employees you value them. Let them know what they have to gain by doing a good job. The results may surprise you.

5. "We've always done it this way." Want to crush your employees' initiative? This is a good way. News flash: Your employees may actually have a pretty good idea of how to do their jobs. Maybe they know even more than you. Your job as boss is to encourage them to have the energy and motivation to be innovative. In fact, employees who come up with better ways to do things should be celebrated and rewarded. (Hint: Cash is nice.)

6. "We need to cut costs" (at the same time you are, say, redecorating your office). Nothing breeds resentment more than asking employees to tighten their belts while you, to their eyes, are living it up. Even if the office redecoration can be totally justified in business terms, or the budget for it was a gift from your uncle, it still looks hypocritical and is demoralizing. Being sensitive to other people's feelings is good karma. Leading by example is the best way to lead.

7. "You should work better." Managers need to communication expectations clearly, to give employees the tools they need to do a good job, to set reasonable deadlines, and to offer help if needed. When giving instructions, ask if they understand your instructions. Don't assume. You may not be the stellar communicator you think you are. If your employees are making mistakes, or not performing up to par, consider that maybe it's because you're giving them vague instructions like "you should work better."

The bottom line is that in the workplace respect, a little tact, and a good attitude go both ways.

What do you think? Anything to add?