Who takes care of them?

Who takes care of them?

As Melissa writes about childcare I sit on the train looking at 2 women who seem younger than me with 7 kids between them. I am watching them because I simply cannot stop staring unless I am writing - so I write.

The 2 women talk to each other, they curse, they catch attitude with the rest of the passengers when it is them with 2 strollers during the end of day rush.

What went wrong? Why such an attitude? What did we do to you?

FYI: 6 of the kids belonged to the other friend. The kids looked alike but who could tell which belonged to whom? Giving the benefit of the doubt I split the kids between the 2.

Argh!!! My naughty bits ache at the thought of spitting out so many kids.

So who takes care of them? I wonder if they have to pay for childcare and if so, what happens on all of the Eve's of holidays and Monday holidays we all don't have off? What do you think Melissa?

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Childcare

Contributed by Melissa Crain-Serrano

Recently I've had several friends inquire about daycare for their children and they have discussed with me the trials and tribulations of finding a good provider. We've been lucky with the people who have cared for our girls and we are also lucky enough to be able to afford what we choose, rather than taking whoever costs the least. Not too long ago I had another friend discussing the requirements of time off and such for an in-home daycare provider who was about to open. They asked people to give their thoughts on this and several replied. What amazed me was just how ridiculous daycare providers have become. They want to be treated as if they run their own business and get all those benefits, and yet, they don't want to follow basic customer service because it's "their" home and not a business office. You can't have both. Either it's a business and you run it as such, or it's a side-job/hobby and you run it that way. OR, become a nanny and don't deal with it at all.

To give you an example, here is a list of the most common requirements that I have heard/seen from providers:

1. Two weeks' paid vacation

2. Five paid sick days

3. All holidays off - paid

4. The day before all holidays off - paid

5. The day after all holidays off - paid

6. An extra day off if the holiday lands on a weekend - paid

7. Four personal days off - paid

8. Children who are sick are not allowed at the discretion of the provider, but parents' must still pay.

9. If children are not present for any reason, parents must still pay

10. 5 day notice is required for provider to take time off

11. Parents must give a 2 week notice before taking time off, but they still must pay.

Average price for a full time child is roughly $175, give or take which equals $35 per day. Let's use the 2010 calendar and the example above.

January 1st, must be paid, although there is no child care. Considering most parents don't work this day, it's just a regular $35 day of pay.

January 4th must be paid, although there is no child care. The day after the holiday lands on a Saturday, therefore the provider is closed on Monday. Since the parents don't get Monday off, they must pay $35 to the provider and another $35 to an alternative provider.

January 15th, 18th and 19th must be paid, although there is no child care due to MLK Jr. Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (15th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 19th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

February 12th, 15th, and 16th must be paid, although there is no child care due to President's Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (12th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 16th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

March 22nd- 25th must be paid, although there is no child care due to provider's vacation. Parents must pay $175 for the provider and another $175 for a backup provider.

April 5th must be paid, although there is no child care due to Easter. We'll give the benefit of the doubt to the provider and say they don't close for the Friday before Easter, only the Monday after. Most places are not closed, so the parents will pay the $35 to the provider and another $35 to a backup provider.

May 28th, 31st & June 1st must be paid, although there is no care due to Memorial Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (28th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 1st). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the Monday off since most do. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

June 14th-18th must be paid, although there is no care due to provider's vacation. Parents must pay $175 for the provider and another $175 for a backup provider.

July 2nd, 5th & 6th must be paid, although there is no care due to the 4th of July Holiday. Since the day before the holiday is a Saturday, the provider receives the Friday (2nd off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 5th) and another day (the 6th) due to the fact that the 4th fell on a Sunday. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the 5th off. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

Luckily, August has no holidays!

September 3rd, 6th & 7th must be paid although there is no care due to Labor Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (28th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 1st). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have the Monday off since most do. That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

October 8th, 11th & 12th must be paid although there is no care due to Columbus' Day. Since the day before the holiday is a Sunday, the provider receives the Friday (15th off) as well as the day after the holiday (the 19th). We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents' have this day off (even though most do not). That still means that they must pay $70 to the provider for two days without service and another $70 to another provider for backup service.

November 24th, 25th, & 26th must be paid although there is no care due to Thanksgiving. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that parents have the 25th and 26th off, and therefore they only need to find alternative care for the 24th which equals $70 ($35 for the provider and $35 for the alternative).

December 23rd, 24th, 27th & 28th must be paid although there is no care due to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that hte parents don't work on the 24th and receive the 27th off for Christmas. This means that for the 23rd and 28th, the parents must pay $70 for the provider and $70 for a backup service.

December 30th, 31st must be paid although there is no care due to New Year's Eve. We'll give the benefit of the doubt that the parents don't work on the 31st. This means that for the 30th the parents must pay $35 for hte provider and another $35 for a backup service.

Let's just add that up. That's a total of $1995, which equals 57 PAID days off for the provider, plus, let's remember they also expect 5 days of sick time and 4 days of personal time so the real total is $2310 and 66 days. That doesn't include the actual holidays themselves, which I think they should have a right to be paid and take the day off (for the major ones). I'm also not including the parents time off for sick children or vacations. I feel that it is unfair for the provider to lose money when they don't have the control to decide if/when the parents can go on vacation and no one has the control over when a child becomes sick. However, that is an INSANE number of paid days off that 99.9% of the American population would never have even after working at a company for 25 years. So, why should a daycare provider be allowed to do so? Not to mention the fact that most providers no longer have early or late service, which means they are open the exact times that a normal office is. How is it possible for me to get my child to you no earlier than 8am if I have to be at work at 8? And how can you expect parents to pick up their children by 5pm when most offices don't even close until 5pm?

If you want the vacation and holiday benefits of a regular business and you want to keep business hours, fine. Then you need to make sure you can hire employees to keep running the business when you are off. Normal businesses are closed only on the main holidays of the year. If you want to be off for every holiday and every day before and after and your vacation time, sick time, etc. then you need to hire someone to maintain the business or accept the fact that you don't get paid if you choose not to provide the service! What if every Verizon employee decided they wanted all these days off and Verizon chose not to hire anyone to maintain their business on those days? Would you pay for no phone service for that time? Or would you expect a credit? Verizon still gives their employees holidays off and vacation time, etc. but they are a service industry, as is childcare, and therefore they make sure to provide service regardless of whether or not someone is out for the time being.

If your stance is "this is a side-job/hobby and that's why I have the days and hours I choose" then again, it's fine. But that doesn't give you the benefits of working at a real business! If you can't afford to keep the schedule you want, then you can't afford to have that schedule. The same reason I choose to work full-time is because if I worked part-time it wouldn't allow me the $ to do all the things I want. That's your choice. Parents' shouldn't have to cover your financial woes.

I spoke to one provider who told me "but you aren't even paying me minimum wage". That's right, because you aren't giving my children 100% of your attention and care. You are splitting it with 6 other children. Therefore, the charge should be 12.5% of your hourly wage (this is for a provider who watches 8 children). Let's say (for math's sake) that my children are in your care for 10 hours a day. That means I pay (at the $35 rate) $3.5 per hour. If a provider has 8 children in their care per hour, that is $28 an hour - nearly 4 times the minimum wage. Why should I pay you for less than half rate care? If you want to be paid like a nanny, then go be one.

Lastly, the latest I've heard now was paid maternity leave. MATERNITY LEAVE?!?!?!?!? So, let's see, average maternity leave is about 6 weeks. I'm supposed to pay you $1050 (per child) and then go find another person to pay to take care of my child so that YOU can have a baby? And now that the child is born, that means you've now reduced the amount of attention you will be giving my own children, so the % of care is now 11.11% (probably more so considering they are a newborn and can't do anything for themselves, but that's a whole other issue).

This is getting absolutely ridiculous and it gives REAL providers a bad name. We had a wonderful in-home daycare provider who made sure that if she were sick, took time off, etc. that we had backup care provided in her home or else we DID NOT PAY! She's grown into three separate day cares now, so obviously she didn't lose any money for not charging us for that time nor did she go broke finding alternate care for the times she was out. She was open from 7am until 6pm - giving parents enough time to commute to and from work. The only thing we were charged for were the major holidays and if we took the kids out due to illness, vacation, etc. That's how you run a daycare.

If I don't allow him to talk to me that way, what makes you think you can?

When I got my voice
"Dammit he saw me," I thought and he called me over. I was 15, and when I got to him, he spoke ill about my mom. It was in anger, he didn't mean it but there it was. Nasty words hanging in the air about her, my mom. Not cool. Especially not to me. Without rehashing the gory details of our exchange I spoke back to my father that day. I got my voice. How dare he speak to me, his daughter, in that manner?

I did not stay shut and I ripped him a new one (disrespectfully, not my proudest moment). And when I turned 23 and he called me acting a fool, I ripped him another one. This time though, I did it in my most perfect Spanish to date and didn't mention anything but facts: I was 23, gainfully employeed, living on my own and have younger siblings 15-16yrs younger who needed a father. Go call them. They need you more.

We talk once in a while, I love him, he is after all my dad, but the truth hurts and it was about time he heard it.

The point: if I did not allow my father, the man who makes up 50% of my genetic makeup to talk to me any which way he wants; why would I allow you, seemingly nobody by comparison to my father, talk me like I am a piece of - nothing?

Yo no tengo pelo en la lengua (I don't have hair on my tongue) but I do have self-control. As a regular person, I really want to hurt your feelings but I won't. I already said that I would not make an already difficult corporate environment worse. The only thing I can say is: be careful who you take a funky tone with. Yo tengo educacion (I have been taught) and I won't talk back to you but the next person (or people) you hire can and will be a different story. (OD relationships)

The Reality
I am not special and I know that I can be replaced but don't think that the next employee will be anything like me or my coworkers. They won't have any reason to stop themselves. We are a resource, we are human capital! Do we cost you money? Of course, we don't work for free but, we are human nonetheless. We work hard to make sure your [dis]organization runs as smoothly as possible.

Employers!
Employers, please refrain from talking to regular employees as if we are less than you or like we are your children. Why can't we work and have some dignity too?

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Free speech is not free of consequences: a look at social media

Free speech is not free of consequences: a look at social media

Today I read an article about an emergency medical employee who posted on her Facebook page derogatory remarks about her supervisor. Her "friends" who also consisted of coworkers chimed in and continued their rant. Shortly after she was fired (she also had other complaints against her, but for the sake of this blog lets simply disregard those facts).

Before social media, if you talked smack about a person it was directly to another person and usually in private. If by any chance they heard that you were talking about them it was their choice to confront you or not. If they did confront you, you either had to talk it out and eventually apologize or you took it to the streets. The consequences were you either apologized or you fought it out. (Before social media things were a lot simpler.)

Long before I came to work at my current organization, there was a new hire who was fired for uttering a phrase towards the owner of the company. Granted, I have been there over 10 years now and while their requests can border on the insane I wouldn't wish death upon them because of it. A request was made to this employee, and as the old man walked away she said "drop dead". He knew that she had every right to think whatever and say whatever she wanted. He knew that wasn't personal but it didn't mean that her words would not have consequences. Oh, you want me to drop dead? You don't want to deal with me? Okay then go home. No one is forced to remain at a job where they are unhappy with management. You can be replaced. And with 9.6% unemployment, you can be replaced quickly.

[They] argue that the young lady's dismissal is unconstitutional and maybe it is. But does the 2nd amendment give me the right to shoot random people on the street because I have the right to bear arms? I have a hand weapon, I acquire it legally, does that mean that I also have the right to just shoot people? I don't think so.

I have a mouth, I have a computer connected onto Facebook; can say anything? False my friends. Absolutely false. As the right to bear arms does not give anyone the right to shoot someone, free speech does not give anyone the right to shoot off at the mouth.

Here is the link to the article. Tell me what you think. http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20101109/us_yblog_upshot/can-criticizing-the-boss-on-facebook-get-you-fired

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Family values: to be or not to be a mom again.

Family values: to be or not to be a mom again.

At 31, I think that I am doing pretty well. I do not have the plum job in management I desire but I have gainful employment nonetheless, I have a home that is warm, a family I love and that loves me back. So what is wrong? Absolutely nothing. But the question of #2 is always asked.

I find myself sometimes feeling bad that unlike some friends in my age range who are on to child #2, I have no real desire to put myself, my body and my life through that once again [right now]. Somewhere deep I want another child, I would love to carry another child, have the love and the bond grow between us - but only in theory. Knowing what I know, why would I put myself through it all again? I don't see it. I just can't see myself as a regular employee at a dead end job or worse with the dream job (publication, operations, project management?) to then take the time to start all over again with #2.

Pregancy. Check. Give birth - done. Now what?
7 days at home was all I could take after my son was born. Even off payroll, I went to work to pitch in a couple of times with my days old baby in his Bjorn carrier. Stay at home material I am not.

Kudos to the strong women like my sister and even my mom who stayed home with me, but I barely made it to 8 weeks at home. Couldn't do it. And though it hurt to leave my beautiful son, I had to go to work not just for financial reasons but for my own sanity.

There is nothing wrong being a SAHM but it is literally 24hrs of "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy," diapers, playdates and whining and I can't take that. I can't live with no adult interaction other than the check out counter people in a day.

No shifts, no breaks, no calling out sick, or alternating weekends off and when you do get to go on vacation you're still working. No deal.

I value my family, but being more than just a mother is something that I value just as well. I hear people say about other moms that they have to stop being a "woman" and start being a mother, but why must there be a distinction? Why can't I be both? Why can't I be a mommy, and a woman? Why aren't the 2 one and the same? Wouldn't time as a woman make me a better mother in the short and long run?

Desires, wants and needs
A woman's desires are not just about lust or partying and things to that effect. Would I like us to feel like we did when we were single? Yes! But it is mostly about sleeping in, relaxing with my partner and not having to hear Ming Ming [duckling] sing "this is sewious" despite the gravity of the situation. I don't want my conversations to revolve around inappropriate cartoons: the fact that Moose talks for Zee; Tuck's sensitivity, Muno's look and Olivia's stink attitude.

What mom wouldn't love time alone, time to herself? What loving couple would not want a night of fun? Chris and I would love to go out dancing, come home, sleep it off and not be worried about having to pick up the baby, or have him jump on our bed at some crazy hour to go to the diner for the same breakfast we have every Sunday.

It's been 4 years and I have yet to use the bathroom on my own unless I am at work.

Bankable Mom-sperience
Does it make me less of a mother because I have only 1 child? If I had to apply for the job of "mommy;" do I not qualify under the requirements of "experience" because I only have one? If a woman has multiple children does her experience grow exponentially? Considering that there are plenty of crackheads, teen hot boxes, and misguided women having kids left and right with no regard to their quality of life, let alone that of their many children on the system - that assumption can't be correct.

So, why can't everyone be content with my one, when we are?

Life BC: Before Child
I barely remember life before my son: he is my joy. He is my pure joy. He and Chris are the 2 people in my life that can make me laugh and feel better when I am in a foul mood. They are part of the source of my happiness and I find them to be more than enough. They are so much happiness and so much love wrapped up in absolutely gorgeous packages (especially the little one since he so much like me - modest I am not either).

Another child would not and could not lessen the love I have for my family - it would do the opposite; love grows. So why don't I want the next one? I really can't verbalize it now because it's for so many reasons. I don't want to give up the freedom that having an older child brings me now; I don't want to start over again (diapers, night feedings, potty training, etc); I don't want to give up my career plans (despite the fact that they are not fully defined - but MBA here I come); and I don't care for surprises. We planned my son. We (and I mean me)were faced with a dillema and despite not having followed society's order of things, we knew that this was this child was going to be one of the BEST and greatest decisions we will ever make. Now, we look at the economy, the mountains that have to be moved to get our growing son the things he needs because we can see his ankles in his 4t pants (he will be 4 Thanksgiving weekend) and I still cannot see having 2 kids sleeping in my bedroom.

Conclusion
My family and I are in such a great and blessed place. If God puts another child in my way and on my path I will be more than happy to receive the bundle of joy - until then I reserve my right as a woman to not bear a child and the right as a mommy to change my mind at any point because I said so. But like I said, I am only 31 and I still have time.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone

Wealth and culture

Wealth and culture

As the woman who gave birth to the first generation born in the United States, my mother did her best with us. She held on to a marriage as long as she could; living in a two-bedroom apartment in the Bronx, in a neighborhood with drugs, with police sirens and where watching people get arrested was a daily occurrence. We were no better than anyone else living on the block and many others, but somehow we were different.

The Hood

Despite how and where we lived, on weekends we went to the museum, and did almost every cultural activity the city had to offer. My mom knew almost every corner of Central Park, we went to the planetarium, the Met, saw the Nutcracker almost every winter, the Radio City Spectacular - you name it, we saw it. Sometimes we complained and groaned but most of the time we enjoyed it. Tchaikovsky's music on its own is boring but with huge rats running about, sugar plum fairies and a ton of kids popping out of the skirt of a woman - who'd be bored? These rich people were just like us: they had rats we had rats too and gave birth to too many kids (my sister and I are my mom's only children, but there were plenty "big" families on the block). The Nutcracker was like a ghetto rock ballet! What's not to love?!

But what did Picasso, the homo-habilus, homo-sapien, Monet and Degas do for me? They taught me to me to want more. I never thought I would be a painter, a paleontologist, a physicist or anything like that but that appreciation of culture: mine and that of others made me a richer person. It gave me wealth. She created a wealth in me and my sister that no one will ever take away - educacion. I didn't make a spelling error, education is the translation but it is not meant in the literal sense of school and higher learning but it is learning. It is/was learning beyond the Bronx, poverty, being Dominican, American and me - it was above and beyond the scope of my eyes.

Some women were taught to drink "pa que no te engañen" but as a child and into adolescence, my mother purposely took us to fancy restaurants so that when we got to dating age we did not embarrass ourselves (or her for that matter) by not knowing how/what to order and worse by not knowing how to eat. By age 6 I knew which fork to use and how, by 8 I knew how to use chopsticks and by 10 I had an appreciation for spicy foods, stinky cheeses and many fine things in life. It was mostly food and a couple art exhibits, but for me it was the finest and fanciest a kid living off the Grand Concourse could imagine! No one else in school made weekly trips to Macy's, Lord & Taylor (how I hated that walk from 34th & Broadway to 38th & 5th) and all the stores along the way never missing any Christmas displays.

The Future

I can only hope that I am exposing my son to diveristy, culture and educacion as my mother instilled it in me. I know my son remembers going to see the King Tut exhibit recently, the dinosaurs at the Museum of Natural History but my hope is that he will continue in the same tradition that was started more the 30 years ago by his Nana. We love you Nana.

Sincerely,
~Cher

Sent from my iPhone