The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

Day 6: January 6, 2011
The Spoked Wheel

The very things we think differentiate us are the things that really bring us together. We may seek different things, or so we think we are.

We spend a part of our life fighting against the current to be different only to realize when maturity sets in that we are very much alike. We teeter totter the rim of the wheel in search of ourselves, get to the center of the wheel when we learn the truth. The truth that whatever we reach for may be distinct but the force that makes us reach is the same (Nepo, M. 2000).

Sincerely,
~Cher

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Not by Spite

Not by Spite

For as long as I can remember I have always done things my own way. When I was younger (careful not to write little for I am only about 4'11") I never cared to be dressed in pink because I was a girl my color of choice then was red. Throughout adolescence I continued in the same spirit. I often heard that I was disobedient or that I was rebellious. Couldn't it be that I simply had a strong spirit; a strong personality? Could it have been that like any human being I just wanted my life to go my way?

By 23 I lived on my own, paid the rent on my own and continued to do things my own way. I never allowed the "after-party" to be at my house, I regularly kicked out my friends when I wanted to go to sleep at a decent hour, and didn't care about having crazy parties - so I didn't. Someone live with me? I don't think so. I loved my time of solitude and peace, my home, my way.

I met Chris, tried the whole living with a boy thing (not for the faint of heart, mind and those with sensitive gag reflexes). Luckily, it worked out and I have not looked back once.

Then I got some weird news - I had cysts that were altering my body: I gained a ton of weight, was borderline diabetic and had no chance of conceiving if I went untreated for too long. PCOS. Tough pill to swallow at 25 as were the horse pills (no offense to my horse readers, but they were big) I was to take indefinitely. Through it all Chris was by my side. I gave him a choice - I was on baby mode and was going to have a baby no matter what - and his choice was to be the one who went down trying or I would figure out how to get what I wanted without him. Simple. I would have a baby, not by spite, but because it was put on my path.

I was 26 when I announced my decision to the family. As a courtesy I told them that me and my live-in boyfriend were trying to conceive. At 26 I didn't have to ask anyone's permission. No, I was not married, and had no interest in being married at the time not out of spite but because it was not what I wanted. I mean come on, I practically forced the dude to have the baby I couldn't turn around and be like "marry me" now too. Not by spite, but I wasn't ready to give up my name and take on all the responsibility of marriage. Marriage somehow changed things especially if done for the wrong reasons. Our relationship has always been based on the best aspects of us we have struggled to keep it that way.

By 27, a few months shy of my 28th birthday I had my precious baby boy who was born in 20 minutes, almost 3 weeks early, and "talking" to us about his journey and his path.

I always get my way.

I knew he is destined for great things so I had to bring it. I had to get myself in school and do whatever possible to move forward and progress. I enrolled in school without first discussing it with Chris, my partner. Not by spite, solely for me and only for me.

Today I am about done with my degree and I will continue on with an EMBA despite any naysayers, despite the additional year of study, despite the inevitable struggle I will have juggling family, personal life and my work life with homework and classes.

So here's the point: I do things in MY life that are best for me. Some things I do for reasons that most will not understand now, but that God put in my heart, in my mind and on my path. Not everything will be according to societal norms, but rather to the norms of my life. So far, only greatness has entered and I would like to continue on my path with God and my non-traditional family. Will I get married. Sure. It is in the bag! Will I have a big wedding to satisfy the family - I sincerely doubt it. Maybe we will just elope. What do you think? That's romantic too and it is in line with how we have lived our life together...

Let's see. Not by spite... but it is in deed, My Life.

Sincerely,
~Cher

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The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

Day 5, January 5, 2011
Show Your Hair

What a great message to someone like me... "show your hair" when today I am "hiding" my hair or at least my curls with straight hair. In my defense it is winter and I don't have the heart or the sinus capacity to go out into the world with wet hair. Nevertheless, this is my hair, just dried straight, no chemicals other than the oils I put in it to sustain it... wow, my hair is dry!

I have spent a good portion of my adult life protesting against the idea of "good hair", hair length (cut it, it grows back). And while I know that this is not about hair, but the message behind it, it simply fits. Hair is an important aspect of many people's identity and if they spend most of their life hiding it from the world under wigs, relaxers, perms, weaves, extensions, jerry curl juice, etc... then how is the world to belive that we are who we say we are? If you are killing yourself to be something other than who you are, how God made you (or Buddha, Hari Kirshna, whomever) then what difference does it make if someone external from your life asks you to change?

The point of today's words... I am (and you are too) enough for the world and I do not have to hide parts of me for acceptance. I do not have to hide any part of me at all - not even my full head of crazy curls.

Sincerely,
~Cher

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The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

Day 4, January 4, 2011
Between Peace & Joy

The place between peace and joy is what is felt when a hardened sponge opens up in the ocean after being dry for so long and from it, creatures soundly asleep inside also open up and swim forth and is set free. The heart begs to open up like the sponge, for life to be breathed into it.

I find it hard to open my heart when the majority of my day is passed with people I care nothing for, but then that may be the point. The day's meditation calls for my heart to open up while doing the dishes and watching it unfold. I don't do dishes on a daily basis but I wash my hands frequently and I can imagine my heart closed. Where do I stand?

My issue is opening my heart during the day. Should I open my heart when I am home; at work? What are the consequences of an open heart is enemy territory? I am pretty sure that if my mom were here she would tell me something to the effect that self-doubt are negative powers at work around me.

In addition to the meditation of opening my heart, I will also pray about about my doubts.

Sincerely,
~Cher

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The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

Day 3, January 3, 2011
Unlearning Back to God

There was once a time that we did not know of shame, we didn't know about embarrassment and were open to the world. Apparently this is when we are closest to God, this was the "Center of Our Love." (Nepo, M. 2000).

The walk back to God, I guess, is a path to unlearning regret, shame and all else that blocks us from truth. Real truth is not having the inhibitions of fear.

I must breathe away myself beneath my issues. I will try. I really will. The point of all of this is to be present to the life I have in order to make my life better, closer to what I want it to be, the dreams an expectations I have for my self and my own personal success. I will meditate on this to truly understand.

However it is hard to breathe when I have difficulty breathing. I will make it my point to visit the doctor soon, get a physical and take care of the vehicle God has given me to walk this life especially my pesky sinuses.

Sincerely,
~Cher

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The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 Days of Awakening

Day 2: January 2, 2011
All Fall Down

There are thresholds that we have trouble crossing. At home, life is great but professionally I have yet to really decide what I want to do or how to get there. Right now, I am working (seemingly with no success) to position myself at an organization that can serve as a launch pad to something better. I am at the door, but I know that I am carrying too many parcels to open the door. I always say to people "give it up to God" but as I meditate about my own journey and the door that I must open, I have realized that maybe I have been working too hard to open the door on my own carrying too many things.

Today I will rethink my path and heed the omens of the universe and see how I can reposition myself to open the door and cross the threshold. It will be difficult for me to relinquish control but at this point I know that I must. I know that by doing so all will come to pass and I know that I cannot resist the fear and all the change that comes with this new decision.

I can't help but think of Kirk Franklin "we fall down, but we get up..." I think I will jam to God's Property right now.

I sign out. ~Cher

Sincerely,
~Cher

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The New Year: 365 days of Awakening

The New Year: 365 Days of Awakening

Introduction
My mother is a spiritual soul. She teaches Bible study at work, she often writes papers on different spiritual matters but despite her theological studies she is still very human and still has faults.

People always judge the errors of the spiritual harshly. They even judge the errors of their children in the same way. For whatever reason we (the spiritual or those related to them) should know better or have all the answers of life. My mom doesn't have all the answers and my sister and I certainly don't either nor do we pretend that we do. Maybe that disappointment is part of a bigger problem, however it is not our problem to solve.

For Christmas among all the things my mother bought for people she purchased for herself, my sister, her sister and for me a book; The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo (2000). She said to me that she didn't know if it would be well received or even read by the others but that she was sure I would read it. It may be one of those Dominican mother traps, but despite that, I know that God is not finished with me yet and that I can use all the help the world sets on my path.

I want more in my life for that reason I recently stopped praying for the things I do not have and started praying for the things that I do have: love, family, gainful employment and the wherewithal to know that I cannot do it all on my own. Thanks mom, I feel change already.

Day 1: January 1, 2011
Precious Human Birth

There are things that we as humans can do that the other species that share the Earth (you might as well call it planet dirt - quote from Transformers 2) with us cannot and vice versa. "Of all the things that exist, we breathe and wake and turn it into song." (Nepo, M. 2000)

As I look outside onto the streets of the south shore I peer at the trees that are so strong, who look seemingly naked in the cold but need nothing of us to thrive. As humans, we too are strong and sometimes we are found naked but even in the cold we survive. We may not be able to grow as tall as the trees, but like the tree we persevere even in the cold, in the storms and we make it to see another day, another season and another year.

(PS: during my meditation and blogging, I found the lettuce that I knew we bought but did not make it into the fridge - it was on top of the car! It tickled me pink. Hilarious!)

Sincerely,
~Cher

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