I can read everyday but I can't blog everyday. I tried it and for a while I was doing it but to actually meditate on what is said each day requires more than I can give between my house, and the train station; eating breakfast and putting on makeup.
With this being said, I now have more time to blog about the things truly important to me: management.
I am cooking something up...
Sincerely,
~Cher
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For this I am not guilty of. I am guilty of probably the opposite saying no when I mean yes. I learned a very long time ago not to over extend myself or agree to do things that I don't care to do. I don't feel bad I don't feel guilt but the only person who hurts in the end is me so I just don't do things I don't want to do. Why make life more painful?
January 17
The Friction of Being Visible
The same as saying yes when one would really rather say no - doing things simply out of love even when you don't want to is like being invisible.
I am not invisible.
January 18, 2011
The Spider and the Sage
We are helpful. And while at times we may get hurt when helping we still look forward to helping a person we love or helping humanity.
Even if we get stung every time we help we continue to do it out of love.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Even the deepest pain will pass. That is good enough for me.
Day 15
How Does it Taste?
A handful of salt is always only a handful of salt. However a handful of salt in a glass of water is yucky, but the same handful in a lake tastes fresh.
The suffering is same; salt in a glass salt in a lake is the same amount is the same but the vessel is different. We need to stop being glasses and start being lakes.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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The book quoted a haiku about a blind boy marveling at the cherry blossoms with his mother pointing out the trees; both appreciating them equally but in different ways. To me, this points out that we are all blind in our own ways.
In my life I can be and have been blind to many things. I have gotten caught up with myself, our son and our home that I became blind to the things that made our home: our love. We no longer saw things the same way, we no longer saw each other same. Thankfully and gratefully we see things with a similar set of eyes but it has been a struggle... A therapy or a rehab of sorts training us to see again, to be again.
It should never be that the possible loss of the other is what makes you see, that brings you back from the dark, but like many others before us and for more to come, that is what it took.
If I ever do become blind again my hope is that my love will be the one who will point out the cherry blossoms.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Fear of the dark need not be confronted in one day. Entering into a dark is not simple for fear does hold us back. But it is okay to stand by the threshold until you are comfortable there and it is okay to remain still until our eyes get accustomed to the dark. We do things when we are strong enough. Sometimes strength takes time.
I am working on time.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Ted Shawn was studying divinity when he was struck with polio (Nepo, M. 2000). While suffering with the full use of his legs, Ted heard a voice that he should dance (Nepo). Ted dropped out if divinity school and enrolled in dance (Nepo). Through dance he regained the full use of his legs and became closer to God because dance is theology expressed in movement (Nepo).
I love to dance. I bop up and down on the train in the mornings, I usually always have a song in my head and I know that is my second mind rejoicing in song.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Nepo (2000) excerpted from the Talmud: upon his deathbed Akiba cried to his rabbi upset because he had not lived a life like Moses. The rabbi responded in saying that Akiba's sin was not that he fell short of Moses's life but not being Akiba and living the life he was given
We spend a lot of time as humans trying to be like those we are not... We aspire to be people we are not hence working against God basically telling him that His work to make us was not good enough. What a slap in the face!
I cannot say that I aspire to be someone I am not but then I have not fully looked at myself yet. However, I wear my hair how it was made, curly. I don't chemically straighten it although I do work at making it more manageable. I waited, listened and heeded the path I was supposed to take and not my mother's path or the path she wished I would take. I chose this life because God put it in my heart, in my mind and finally laid it out for me.
I am not Moses. I am not Akiba. I am me and through this, trying to be the best me possible.
I thank you for your support and guidance.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Life in the tank. Area we in a tank? Is our life our own captivity?
This is way too deep for just one day. I don't have it in me right now.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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The blind, never having seen their face instinctively know where their mouth is. However bad the night may seem, the day always brings light.
If one takes time to really think and consider, the heart always knows the answer to everything. We always know the answer is. It is usual, however, that the answer is hard to deal with.
There are times that I hate knowing the answer, but then there it is. I know that right now, I have to clean house (house of finance, house of education, house of home, house of self) and for every home, there are problems and there are answers some tough, some easy, but all solvable.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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A relationship is give and take. While one is working on themselves inwardly the other must work on external aspects - the things that allow the other to work on themselves without having to worry about the garbage, the dishes, the children, etc.
"We must take turns: diving into all there is and counting the time." (Nepo, M. 2000).
Today, I have realized that in reality going on to receive my EMBA is a little bit selfish since this is now my 4th year in school and I am still working on myself and plan to add an additional year with a master's in business administration. The thing is, that I really think that God is not finished with me yet and has not started in Chris. Maybe I am not paying attention and God has started talking to Chris but he remains patient and silent about his path. I am not sure which it is.
I am not finished and as an individual I need this higher learning degree and possibly even a black belt (Six Sigma) for me to really be happy with me and professional growth. I don't know. What I do know is that I did have a real awakening today and I have to talk to Chris and meditate on giving more to him and allowing him to spiritually take more and allowing his walk to continue...
The more I think of it, I don't particularly care for this awakening stuff!
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Day 6: January 6, 2011
The Spoked Wheel
The very things we think differentiate us are the things that really bring us together. We may seek different things, or so we think we are.
We spend a part of our life fighting against the current to be different only to realize when maturity sets in that we are very much alike. We teeter totter the rim of the wheel in search of ourselves, get to the center of the wheel when we learn the truth. The truth that whatever we reach for may be distinct but the force that makes us reach is the same (Nepo, M. 2000).
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Day 5, January 5, 2011
Show Your Hair
What a great message to someone like me... "show your hair" when today I am "hiding" my hair or at least my curls with straight hair. In my defense it is winter and I don't have the heart or the sinus capacity to go out into the world with wet hair. Nevertheless, this is my hair, just dried straight, no chemicals other than the oils I put in it to sustain it... wow, my hair is dry!
I have spent a good portion of my adult life protesting against the idea of "good hair", hair length (cut it, it grows back). And while I know that this is not about hair, but the message behind it, it simply fits. Hair is an important aspect of many people's identity and if they spend most of their life hiding it from the world under wigs, relaxers, perms, weaves, extensions, jerry curl juice, etc... then how is the world to belive that we are who we say we are? If you are killing yourself to be something other than who you are, how God made you (or Buddha, Hari Kirshna, whomever) then what difference does it make if someone external from your life asks you to change?
The point of today's words... I am (and you are too) enough for the world and I do not have to hide parts of me for acceptance. I do not have to hide any part of me at all - not even my full head of crazy curls.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Day 4, January 4, 2011
Between Peace & Joy
The place between peace and joy is what is felt when a hardened sponge opens up in the ocean after being dry for so long and from it, creatures soundly asleep inside also open up and swim forth and is set free. The heart begs to open up like the sponge, for life to be breathed into it.
I find it hard to open my heart when the majority of my day is passed with people I care nothing for, but then that may be the point. The day's meditation calls for my heart to open up while doing the dishes and watching it unfold. I don't do dishes on a daily basis but I wash my hands frequently and I can imagine my heart closed. Where do I stand?
My issue is opening my heart during the day. Should I open my heart when I am home; at work? What are the consequences of an open heart is enemy territory? I am pretty sure that if my mom were here she would tell me something to the effect that self-doubt are negative powers at work around me.
In addition to the meditation of opening my heart, I will also pray about about my doubts.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Day 3, January 3, 2011
Unlearning Back to God
There was once a time that we did not know of shame, we didn't know about embarrassment and were open to the world. Apparently this is when we are closest to God, this was the "Center of Our Love." (Nepo, M. 2000).
The walk back to God, I guess, is a path to unlearning regret, shame and all else that blocks us from truth. Real truth is not having the inhibitions of fear.
I must breathe away myself beneath my issues. I will try. I really will. The point of all of this is to be present to the life I have in order to make my life better, closer to what I want it to be, the dreams an expectations I have for my self and my own personal success. I will meditate on this to truly understand.
However it is hard to breathe when I have difficulty breathing. I will make it my point to visit the doctor soon, get a physical and take care of the vehicle God has given me to walk this life especially my pesky sinuses.
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Day 2: January 2, 2011
All Fall Down
There are thresholds that we have trouble crossing. At home, life is great but professionally I have yet to really decide what I want to do or how to get there. Right now, I am working (seemingly with no success) to position myself at an organization that can serve as a launch pad to something better. I am at the door, but I know that I am carrying too many parcels to open the door. I always say to people "give it up to God" but as I meditate about my own journey and the door that I must open, I have realized that maybe I have been working too hard to open the door on my own carrying too many things.
Today I will rethink my path and heed the omens of the universe and see how I can reposition myself to open the door and cross the threshold. It will be difficult for me to relinquish control but at this point I know that I must. I know that by doing so all will come to pass and I know that I cannot resist the fear and all the change that comes with this new decision.
I can't help but think of Kirk Franklin "we fall down, but we get up..." I think I will jam to God's Property right now.
I sign out. ~Cher
Sincerely,
~Cher
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Introduction
My mother is a spiritual soul. She teaches Bible study at work, she often writes papers on different spiritual matters but despite her theological studies she is still very human and still has faults.
People always judge the errors of the spiritual harshly. They even judge the errors of their children in the same way. For whatever reason we (the spiritual or those related to them) should know better or have all the answers of life. My mom doesn't have all the answers and my sister and I certainly don't either nor do we pretend that we do. Maybe that disappointment is part of a bigger problem, however it is not our problem to solve.
For Christmas among all the things my mother bought for people she purchased for herself, my sister, her sister and for me a book; The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo (2000). She said to me that she didn't know if it would be well received or even read by the others but that she was sure I would read it. It may be one of those Dominican mother traps, but despite that, I know that God is not finished with me yet and that I can use all the help the world sets on my path.
I want more in my life for that reason I recently stopped praying for the things I do not have and started praying for the things that I do have: love, family, gainful employment and the wherewithal to know that I cannot do it all on my own. Thanks mom, I feel change already.
Day 1: January 1, 2011
Precious Human Birth
There are things that we as humans can do that the other species that share the Earth (you might as well call it planet dirt - quote from Transformers 2) with us cannot and vice versa. "Of all the things that exist, we breathe and wake and turn it into song." (Nepo, M. 2000)
As I look outside onto the streets of the south shore I peer at the trees that are so strong, who look seemingly naked in the cold but need nothing of us to thrive. As humans, we too are strong and sometimes we are found naked but even in the cold we survive. We may not be able to grow as tall as the trees, but like the tree we persevere even in the cold, in the storms and we make it to see another day, another season and another year.
(PS: during my meditation and blogging, I found the lettuce that I knew we bought but did not make it into the fridge - it was on top of the car! It tickled me pink. Hilarious!)
Sincerely,
~Cher
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