At 31, I think that I am doing pretty well. I do not have the plum job in management I desire but I have gainful employment nonetheless, I have a home that is warm, a family I love and that loves me back. So what is wrong? Absolutely nothing. But the question of #2 is always asked.
I find myself sometimes feeling bad that unlike some friends in my age range who are on to child #2, I have no real desire to put myself, my body and my life through that once again [right now]. Somewhere deep I want another child, I would love to carry another child, have the love and the bond grow between us - but only in theory. Knowing what I know, why would I put myself through it all again? I don't see it. I just can't see myself as a regular employee at a dead end job or worse with the dream job (publication, operations, project management?) to then take the time to start all over again with #2.
Pregancy. Check. Give birth - done. Now what?
7 days at home was all I could take after my son was born. Even off payroll, I went to work to pitch in a couple of times with my days old baby in his Bjorn carrier. Stay at home material I am not.
Kudos to the strong women like my sister and even my mom who stayed home with me, but I barely made it to 8 weeks at home. Couldn't do it. And though it hurt to leave my beautiful son, I had to go to work not just for financial reasons but for my own sanity.
There is nothing wrong being a SAHM but it is literally 24hrs of "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy," diapers, playdates and whining and I can't take that. I can't live with no adult interaction other than the check out counter people in a day.
No shifts, no breaks, no calling out sick, or alternating weekends off and when you do get to go on vacation you're still working. No deal.
I value my family, but being more than just a mother is something that I value just as well. I hear people say about other moms that they have to stop being a "woman" and start being a mother, but why must there be a distinction? Why can't I be both? Why can't I be a mommy, and a woman? Why aren't the 2 one and the same? Wouldn't time as a woman make me a better mother in the short and long run?
Desires, wants and needs
A woman's desires are not just about lust or partying and things to that effect. Would I like us to feel like we did when we were single? Yes! But it is mostly about sleeping in, relaxing with my partner and not having to hear Ming Ming [duckling] sing "this is sewious" despite the gravity of the situation. I don't want my conversations to revolve around inappropriate cartoons: the fact that Moose talks for Zee; Tuck's sensitivity, Muno's look and Olivia's stink attitude.
What mom wouldn't love time alone, time to herself? What loving couple would not want a night of fun? Chris and I would love to go out dancing, come home, sleep it off and not be worried about having to pick up the baby, or have him jump on our bed at some crazy hour to go to the diner for the same breakfast we have every Sunday.
It's been 4 years and I have yet to use the bathroom on my own unless I am at work.
Bankable Mom-sperience
Does it make me less of a mother because I have only 1 child? If I had to apply for the job of "mommy;" do I not qualify under the requirements of "experience" because I only have one? If a woman has multiple children does her experience grow exponentially? Considering that there are plenty of crackheads, teen hot boxes, and misguided women having kids left and right with no regard to their quality of life, let alone that of their many children on the system - that assumption can't be correct.
So, why can't everyone be content with my one, when we are?
Life BC: Before Child
I barely remember life before my son: he is my joy. He is my pure joy. He and Chris are the 2 people in my life that can make me laugh and feel better when I am in a foul mood. They are part of the source of my happiness and I find them to be more than enough. They are so much happiness and so much love wrapped up in absolutely gorgeous packages (especially the little one since he so much like me - modest I am not either).
Another child would not and could not lessen the love I have for my family - it would do the opposite; love grows. So why don't I want the next one? I really can't verbalize it now because it's for so many reasons. I don't want to give up the freedom that having an older child brings me now; I don't want to start over again (diapers, night feedings, potty training, etc); I don't want to give up my career plans (despite the fact that they are not fully defined - but MBA here I come); and I don't care for surprises. We planned my son. We (and I mean me)were faced with a dillema and despite not having followed society's order of things, we knew that this was this child was going to be one of the BEST and greatest decisions we will ever make. Now, we look at the economy, the mountains that have to be moved to get our growing son the things he needs because we can see his ankles in his 4t pants (he will be 4 Thanksgiving weekend) and I still cannot see having 2 kids sleeping in my bedroom.
Conclusion
My family and I are in such a great and blessed place. If God puts another child in my way and on my path I will be more than happy to receive the bundle of joy - until then I reserve my right as a woman to not bear a child and the right as a mommy to change my mind at any point because I said so. But like I said, I am only 31 and I still have time.
Sincerely,
~Cher
Sent from my iPhone
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