I was raised color blind. My mother never taught us color because we are all one people. Regardless of the bilingual factor we are black; we trace our roots to the Tainos and the black slaves the Europeans brought when they landed on us (they "discovered" a place that was already there). Look at our features, our style, our sound, the way we celebrate...
When anyone requests a person speak on their behalf to deliver any type of news to another black person because they are afraid it shows their true colors. If the person happens to be white asking a Dominican to talk to a black person especially to deliver bad news because they admit to be afraid to talk to them I wonder, why in the world do you speak to me?
Growing up there weren't many whites on 175th street and the Grand Concourse in the Bronx. In school I was in a bilingual class where lessons were taught equally in English and Spanish, some of my friends didn't even speak English, members of my family didn't either but despite my minimal exposure to other cultures somehow I grew up with tolerance and awareness. Did everyone miss that lesson or is it because we are a -Raza encendida, negra, blanca y taina- that I am the way that I am? Because we are all so different, so diverse within one culture are we more tolerant? Well, I can't say because in my family, my in-laws and other friends' families I hear little racist remarks here and there in regards to other Dominicans (at times, even their own); so what gives?
Personally
I try to raise my son color blind, but the fact of the matter is that he is very pale, with yellowish hair, and he at 3yrs old (much to my dismay) knows that he is not as dark as mommy or daddy, or any of his grandmothers, let alone his paternal family. He does not mention his color when he is with his other cousins on my side because they are half white - but who does he relate to the most? I don't know. I don't know anything. I do know that I will continue to fight against seeing color in people, in my family, in my circles and beyond as far as I can reach.
The Truth
I was hurt and offended by the stupidity I have surrounded myself with for the past 10 years. I assume everyone is different in their own homes, with their real friends, but in a professional environment I just didn't think it would come to this. I thought that to my face, you would pretend to be more tolerant although I have spoken, in private, about my [racial] discomfort. I have always had my feelings squashed, rationalized that I am imagining it all. I guess I wasn't.
For the future, please do not assume that we are tight; that we are close and even on the same level that you can say some crazy things to me about race in confidence. You can't. Sorry. We have many differences, many you're white, I am not; you are rich and work to get out of your house, I work because I really have to and in the end, you are inviting into your home to break bread with you. Like the ultimate Dominican sang (Juan Luis Guerra): - Ella en bienes raices hereda la Capital, yo tengo que hacer magia para trabajar... - (translation: she is from a great background and will inherit [the] capital, I have to perform magic simply to get to work)
This isn't a game, it is my life, it is who I am, who my family is and if you're not careful enough, who your family can become: like me.
Say it loud people, say it loud.
Sincerely,
~Cher
Updated 10/6/10 for clarity.
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