After the mental preparation, my baby boy was left at daycare today.
We were selfish, we could have further prepared him but I wanted him
with me, I wanted him home by my side. My heart broke but I had to be
strong. I gave him a kiss and walked out. He was left there screaming
for me and I turned and left. Christian, with tears in his eyes
lingered behind. I ordered him to get out, get in the car and drive
away. Chris probably thought that I would solicit a ride to the train:
I didn't. I walked silently praying that my son's first day would be a
good one (fully aware that at any moment I can send his grandmother to
pick him up or one of the cousins).
I know, as a mother, that this is the best for him. A curriculum; a
place where he can learn and flourish. But why do I want to cry? I
stand on this train now with tears welling in my eyes wishing I could
turn back and rescue my only son, my only child the one that I
planned. The one and only child I prayed God would give me; the prayer
that God answered as my Aidan.
This is Aidan's journey now. He will learn to be without me. He will
know what to expect everyday he will learn to adjust. His journey in
life, indenpedence and education all begins with this step. The step I
have threatened, looked forward to and dreaded for so long. Why do I
want to cry?!
This journey is also one for me. I have to learn to let go and
relinquish total control and allow him to experience all that I have
and more. This journey, this child, my sadness - proof that my boy
will one day be a man and I will be without him once again.
I hate this journey. I want him back. Dear God let him have a good day.
Love Mommy
Sincerely,
~Cher
Sent from my iPhone
